Do you believe that if  you could find a job, influence your boss or be more effective at work, you’d feel better?

Yet, do you feel  powerless  to take action, worried it might not be the right one?  Do you believe that the only thing you have control over are your own emotions,  so you focus on only that?

Chronic illness can do that.  Even the most determined people can feel powerless to impact their lives when unpredictable and difficult illness gets in the way.

But I humbly disagree that there’s nothing you can do.  I fall frequently.  Poor balance and numb feet (from living with multiple sclerosis all these years) must contribute.  Last night I took a really nasty fall – the 3rd in 6 months. This morning the pain was so bad I was sure I  had broken something. But experience told me it was muscle not bone pain.   I forced myself to exercise lightly (stretching, small steps, shorter time) to get  blood moving.  Reading my email, I forgot how painful it is to move my right arm.  Writing a note to a client, I realized I could even type with the arm, although I didn’t think so when I woke up!

I’m not healed – the bruises will grow and I’m limited.  But I don’t feel disabled (from these injuries at least!) or sorry for myself.

Now I’ve read (through a fellow traveler, Kathy Ibettson, who produces a terrific newsletter about  multiple sclerosis items of interest) about a study that examined the coping mechanisms of MS patients living in Northern Israel during the Lebanese War affected their disease course.

The results show that “ those who used ‘direct coping and planning’  – preparing shelter areas, adjusting medication appointments, stocking up on food and medicine – did better than those who focused on the situation on an emotional level, using relaxation techniques, support from others or prayer.”

“Patients who focused their coping on emotional well being when a more direct approach was necessary, suffered more flare-ups of the disease than patients who identified the challenges that the falling missiles were presenting, and regarded the situation as an opportunity for planning and direct action,” noted Professor  Eli Somer, study author.

This means that people who took action to improve their situation did physically better than those who relied on internal, “transformative” experience.  Although this research was on patients with multiple sclerosis,  I suspect we’re safe  generalizing this to all chronic illness.

Are you trying to figure out a new career, find a new job, tell your boss you can’t work at this level?  Do you wake up thinking:  Today I’m going to do something about this“?  But instead, bury your head under the covers.

How is that going for you?

You might ask yourself, “What action can I take?“  And if you can’t figure that out or get motivated to do that, consider this  research from Stanford Medical School that shows that people with chronic illness experience significant benefits from coaching.

What works for you when you’re in a difficult,  dis-empowering situation?  How is it going?

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From what I’ve seen, most people think that networking means  showing up at an event where potential employers might attend.  They bring a boxful of their business cards and hand them out to anyone they can grab.   Or maybe  it’s about creating a LinkedIn presence and reaching out to anyone who comes up in a word search.

So tell me.  When was the last time that you or anyone you know got a job that way?  I’m a career coach and I’ve yet to hear such a story.

Having spent a lot of my time discussing this subject with clients and friends, I’ve concluded that networking requires one thing: the ability to build and sustain relationships. (Actually, that’s a good rule of thumb for life, isn’t it?)  It doesn’t matter what your  skills are, the type of jobs you’re looking for or whether you’re healthy or not.  The process is basically the same.

To make this easy, I’ve designed a program, ” 3 Circles of Networking©” :

1. The inner circle are your Advocates. Start by capitalizing on your existing relationships- you don’t need a bulging contact list.  Choose a select group of  colleagues and friends  whom you trust, who trust you and appreciate your value.   Probe your  Advocates and you’ll be amazed what you can learn.   When you talk with each:

• Explain what you’re up to  and what you’re looking for.
• Ask if they have any other ideas that you haven’t thought of.
• Find out who they know who might have ideas for you in the industry or job market you’re looking in.
• Most importantly, ask if they’ll make the introduction for you so there’s a personal connection to make sure the meeting happens.

2.  The  next circle (middle)  are the names list your  Advocates give you.  They are the  Connectors. They:

• Like to help people,
• Know people and your industry  and,
• Are willing to make introductions to the next group for you.

Connectors really get networking.  Most likely they can’t offer you a job  but they’re likely to know where you should look.  When you speak with them, you want to be sure to prepare your questions in advance and listen carefully.

3.  Finally, Connectors will link you directly to the outer circle, Job Prospects. Now when you learn about a job, it won’t be from a list where you’re competing with hundreds of others.  You’ve learned something specific  about an employment prospect from the connector.  And, a Job Prospect is more likely to notice you and be favorably inclined because someone he/she trusts  has connected you.

You don’t have to be the life of the party to do this or even particularly extroverted.  More importantly,  hone these skills:

1. Set clearly defined desired outcomes for yourself before you walk into a networking situation.  Know what you want to get from this.
2. Ask questions that will give valuable information.  Know what you want to learn.
3. Develop and maintain connections with people who will help you meet more people and expand your circle.  Know how to stay in touch over time.

Finally,   before you speak with anyone,  consider whether you want to talk about  illness –  or debilitating symptoms you live with.  If so, decide what you want to say.  Even if your Advocates know you live with illness, they might not know how it impacts you and it might be important to the conversation.

For a much more  detailed description  about my © “3 Circles of Networking Strategy I’ve described, check out my e-workbook, “Keep Working with Chronic Illness.”

I wish you the best and hope that if you use any of this, you’ll let me know how it goes for you!

• 5 Little Secrets About Networking, @Careersherpa
• How to Take the Intimidation Out of Networking, @heathermundell
• Networking for the Shy and Introverted, @KatCareerGal
• A tale of two networkers, @DawnBugni
• Introvert or Extrovert: Tips for the Job Search No Matter Which ‘Vert’ You Are, @erinkennedycprw
• Networking for Job Candidates Who Hate Networking, @heatherhuhman
• Networking? Ugh! @resumeservice
• Network, Network, Network, @MartinBuckland @EliteResumes
• 3 ways to make networking fun for introverts and extroverts, @Keppie_Careers
• Grow Your Career Networking Seeds Organically, @ValueIntoWords
• Networking: It’s a Way of Life, @WalterAkana
• Social Media Networking & Your Career, @GayleHoward
• Networking for the Networking-Phobic, @JobHuntOrg
• Networking: Why Who You Know Doesn’t Count, @Chandlee

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If chronic illness impacts your work life, a job interview can feel like a massive hurdle you can’t climb over.  But I’ve seen how much easier this becomes when you normalize your situation.

What’s normal about chronic illness you ask? Nothing, really.  But isn’t there more to you than just this illness?  Here are two examples of what I mean.

Jody,33,  has 3 young children and a husband whose work requires constant traveling.  She also lives with multiple sclerosis (which is relatively mild at this point) and has recently had cancer.  Jody’s current job is very demanding and the organizational culture doesn’t support creating boundaries between job and personal time.  Jody has come to realize that this pace isn’t healthy for her.  She needs a job with  flexible scheduling and clearly defined hours.  She realizes that most likely that means underemployment.

Jody panicked at the thought of interviewing and describing  her reasons for change.  But once she saw that she doesn’t have to talk about illness in an interview,  she felt comfortable.  Although her family’s demands won’t work in her favor, most hiring managers are familiar with the “mommy juggle” and will accept the realities that come with it.   Jody doesn’t have to bring up illness at this stage.  It’s unnecessary because she already has understandable reasons for her choices.

Jim, 58,  plans to take advantage of a different cultural shift.  Severe chronic asthma forced him to leave a good job as a mid level manager in a Fortune 100 a few years ago.   He wants to return to work but understands he needs to be in a physically protected environment.   This has meant reinventing his career self by capitalizing on what he knows and gaining new experiences.  He’s  volunteered extensively for two years in the “green” tech field to learn a new industry and make new contacts.  This  gave him the credibility to get a  part time, short term contract job  in a “green” tech firm.

Like Judy, Jim’s  life situation means that he doesn’t have to give much detail when asked about his unemployment and why he’s changing careers.  It’s not unusual to lose a job at his age in this economy.    Encore careers are becoming accepted and older workers reinventing themselves are the norm.  Now he’s ready to start interviewing for more permanent work in this field.

Both Jim and Judy have looked beyond illness.  They’ve normalized a difficult life situation and seen how they aren’t so different.   To do this, you have to:

• Be willing to take what is available, even if it’s  “underemployment”,  if your goal is to keep working.
• Recognize your skills and  limitations so you can apply for jobs where you can succeed.
• Create  your story that allows you to be truthful about what you want and need without jeopardizing your prospects.

Can you do that?

(Please note: I change the names and details of clients to protect their privacy.)

FYI:  If you’re a mom with chronic illness, Cafe Mom know has a knew discussion board on Mom’s with illness.  I hope they address working moms with illness, too!

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Is being unemployed  feeling like a chronic condition?  Chronic — it’s not sexy,  exciting or fun.  Worse, chronic means it’s not changing and won’t go away.  Those of us with chronic illness know all about this chronic syndrome.  It weighs you down and keeps you from being “light on your feet”.

So, how do you find hope when you’re feeling your  condition is  “chronic”?  Perspective. What do I mean?  Check out American World Soccer Cup Team goalie, Tim Howard.

Here’s a guy with a very difficult to manage and off-putting chronic illness, Tourette  Syndrome.  Living with this, he’s risen to world class athlete status.  He’s the focal point of media attention that makes his visible, and to many oft-putting, symptoms very public.  FYI – I read somewhere that his mother said that she thought that playing soccer goalie, which requires supreme focus, helped his Tourette’s symptoms.  He didn’t twitch as much when he played.  My bet is he played often!

Few of us, even if we were healthy,  have the stamina or determination of Tim Howard.  But I believe that there’s usually something to  learn from people who achieve the extraordinary that we can apply to our own lives.

When you look at your job opportunities and the employment landscape, do you think, ” I’ll never find work”?  Are you blaming it on a  lousy job market, a difficult illness, your age or even the time of year?  They could all be true.

But — and here’s the thing — can you find something that you are good at and  you can do  and work this angle as hard as possible?

OK – most likely you won’t be playing for the Soccer World Cup or the NBA.  You might not get to be president of the company.  But your challenge is to get out of the chronically unemployed syndrome.  Can you do it?

Let’s face it.  You can’t do as much as you’d like to impact your chronic illness.  But you can take charge of  taking care of yourself as best you can.  The same is true with your employment.  What are you going to do about it?

CareerCollective Bloggers have this to say:

• Turn Off The Computer, Tune Into What’s Happening, & Heat Up the Job Search, @chandlee
• Heating up the Job Search-How to Stay Motivated During the Summer, @erinkennedycprw
• Light the Fire Under Your Feet, @careersherpa
• Cool Job Seekers Heat Up Their Search in the Summer, @barbarasafani
• Some assembly required, @DawnBugni
• Summertime, Sluggish Economy Provide Strong Motivation for an Updated Resume, @KatCareerGal
• 9 Ways to Heat Up Your Job Search This Summer, @heatherhuhman
• Getting Out From Under Chronic, @WorkWithIllness
• Upping Your Job Search Flame; Be ‘Needed, Not Needy,‘ @ValueIntoWords
• Is Your Career Trapped in the Matrix? @WalterAkana
• Put some sizzle in your job hunt – how to find a job now, @keppie_careers
• Summertime – and the Job Search Ain’t Easy, @KCCareerCoach
• Heating up your job search. 5 ways to dismiss those winter blues, @GayleHoward
• Hot Tips for a Summer Job Search, @MartinBuckland @EliteResumes

• Heating Up Your Job Searching Skills: Networking 101 and 102, @GLHoffman

• Treasure Hunt—Yo-ho-ho! Heat Up Your Job Search, @resumeservice

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I had a client who thought she was prepared.  She’d never had trouble finding work before.  Even in a bad economy, she expected unemployment would be short.     She had her interview clothes  (both a suit and a pants/sweater version in winter and summer material!) set aside just for this.    She updated her resume weekly with any pertinent activities.  She contacted her references regularly to make sure they were current and used social media and her networks.

Nine months of looking and she hadn’t gotten a second interview.  But she stayed hopeful.  She felt as prepared as she could be  — until the interview that showed her the holes in her prep.

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This month’s career collective topic is “foolishness’ and job search/career (it is April 1!).  I won’t offer specific tactics to avoid making a fool of yourself (I’ll leave that up to the other creative bloggers).  But in my coaching practice, I get to see how people fool themselves and I’ll share my thoughts on that.

Do you second guess every career move you make – or don’t make?  Do you think twice, maybe  three times, with every chance for something more – whether to ask for that raise, seek the promotion or look for a new job -because you’re unsure if you can  do it?

Chronic illness  puts up all sorts of roadblocks –pain, fatigue or disabling symptoms — while you’re trying to live your life.   For some, it’s natural to stay upbeat and positive about the world, not matter what shows up.   But then there are those who think that life is out to get them.  They figure it’s best not to try too hard  rather than deal with more disappointment.

But it’s not like chronically ill people have cornered this market.  There are many reasons people behave like “fools”.  In one of his last great movie roles, Nobody’s Fool, Paul Newman (who sadly died recently) plays Scully, a  “healthy” man who spent his life  gaming every system. Determined not to be played for a fool, he managed not to engage too strenuously in life, altogether.  Never quite “losing” , he’s no winner, either.

That can happen easily when you live with illness.  Have you lost the energy (desire?) to take any risks at all?  Maybe you’re one of the many who are bored, underemployed or treated poorly but you tell yourself you’re satisfied you show up and keep your job.  Or maybe you’re unemployed and tell yourself you’d rather be unemployed than be miserable at work.

Understandable.  But how’ s it going?

Every once in a while, it’s a good idea to take a good look at how we’re living our lives, how we’re fulfilling our intentions, how we’re playing the hand we’re dealt  (for more on this topic, download my article, Playing the Hand You’re Dealt, cicoach.com).   This means knowing your strengths and your limitations and then searching for the opportunities that exist if you can only see them.

Can you take this April Fool’s Day to take a good, clear look at your beliefs and behavior regarding a career?  Are you wondering how you can be sure you’re not fooling yourself?  You can’t.  But asking the question is a good place to start.

Now go look at the other bloggers and see what they have to offer to you!

Is Your #Career in Recovery or Retreat? (All Joking Aside), http://coachmeg.typepad.com/career_chaos/2010/04/is-your-career-in-recovery-or-retreat-.html, @KCCareerCoach

9 Ways You Might Be Fooling Yourself About Your Job Search, @heatherhuhman, http://www.heatherhuhman.com/2010/04/9-ways-you-might-be-fooling-yourself-about-your-job-search/

Don’t get tricked by these 3 job search blunders, @LaurieBerenson http://blog.sterlingcareerconcepts.com/2010/03/31/dont-get-tricked-by-these-3-job-search-blunders.aspx

Trying to hard to be nobody’s fool? @WorkWithIllness http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2010/03/trying-too-hard-to-be-nobodys-fool/

It’s not all about you @DawnBugni http://write-solution.com/2010/04/01/its-not-all-about-you/

Stop Fooling Yourself about your Job Hunt: Things you may be doing to sabotage yourself. http://exclusive-executive-resumes.com/job-search/stop-fooling-yourself-about-your-job-hunt-things-you-may-be-doing-to-sabotage-yourself/ @erinkennedycprw

Same as it ever was @walterakana
http://www.threshold-consulting.com/threshold_consulting/2010/03/same-as-it-ever-was.html

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Naturally, as a coach,  I have more questions than answers.  But there is one guideline I’ve found is worth following:

If  symptoms get in the  way of doing the job as it is expected to be performed and it will be obvious from the day you start, you should disclose.

But there’s more to consider.  I discuss the pros and cons of chronic illness disclosure in your job as well as when, how and what to say in my book, Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working Girlfriend and in my booklet, Are You Talking, part of the Career Thrive Series.

But a reader’s comment on a blog post (Job Interviews and Disclosure) made me realize that there’s another important factor.  She wrote that the fine print of her employer’s insurance policy says  that you can be fired or excluded from medical coverage if you don’t disclose an illness in advance.

I don’t think that all insurance policies say this.  But how do you find out prior to hire?  The “negotiation” phase make sense.  This is when you’ve been offered  the job and can ask questions and negotiate your “demands”, including seeing information about any benefits policy.  I’d be curious if any readers have asked about this at that point?

But that doesn’t answer the real concern a person might have about losing the job offer with disclosure.  I don’t have to tell you that there are no guarantees.  But as I’ve written so many times, you can be as prepared as possible with strategic thinking and careful planning.

Consider the situations in which this issue might come up.  Plan what you would say about living with this illness in an interview, a job negotiation or once hired.  Include how it impacts you and how it doesn’t.  Finally,  stress that you have managed it successfully  in your work life thus far.   Your confidence and strength will resonate more strongly than their concerns.

And if your  confidence about working with illness feels weak, get the help you need to build it up so it doesn’t get in your way!

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Being a  career collective blogger gives me a monthly reminder that people living with illness face the same issues as healthy people. This month’s  questions are  (you can find links to my fellow blogger posts  at the end of this article):

• What do you do when you’re really, really, really discouraged  about your unsuccessful job search?
• How do you overcome the negative aspects of a job search?

Unemployment, like illness, can be a highly negative force in a person’s life.  Facing either or both can be daunting. It’s easy to feel like you’re sinking in quicksand.

But it doesn’t have to devastate.  And that’s the challenge, isn’t it?

We, human beings, have the mental ability to figure out how to overcome even the nastiest situations.  But we can also get undone by our own negative thoughts.

Take a moment and think back to a time in your life when all seemed hopeless.  What helped you move from that place?  We attribute a lot to luck but more often it was  your mental attitude that made it happen.

When I was my 20’s,  there was a phrase – and book – that became popular,   “Be here now.” I thought it meant don’t worry about the future or dwell on the past.  It was appealing but felt out of my reach.

Living with unpredictable and debilitating illness,  I’ve developed my skills to  “be here now” (although far from mastery!) and learned to appreciate what this thinking can do.   Simply put,  if you can only feel worry when you think about the future, you’re not improving a situation.  But when you  consider what’s ahead and think about how to meet it, you’re more likely to stay balanced, strong and confident.

Similarly, when you can only think about past deeds and “beat up” yourself or others  for what went wrong, you’re wasting your time and draining your energy.  But when you use what has happened  to form plans based on that knowledge, you are maximizing your resources.

In other words, when you think strategically, you can let go of  the worry and negativity that pull you down.  That allows you to feel hope and let the positive energy  be heard.

Yes,  easier said than done.  That’s why I’m giving you some 2 tactics that can help you get your strategic thinking skill moving:

• When you start to dwell on the bad things that have happened,  list on paper what you’ve tried in your search, what has worked and why, what has not worked and why, and what can you learn from this.
• When you start to dwell on the bleak outlook that you see ahead, list on paper  what you’ve tried that you might do differently, what you haven’t tried, what it would take and what you can do to make it happen.

It’s not a magic bullet.   But there is magic when we can see the opportunities that help us climb out –  or better yet, avoid – the quicksand.

Want to read more on this topic? Here are titles and links to the other careercollective bloggers:

You Can Beat the Job Search Blues: 5 + 3 Tips to Get Re-energized, @KCCareerCoach, http://coachmeg.typepad.com/career_chaos/2010/02/beating-the-job-search-blues-.html

3 Ways to Keep Your Glass Half Full, @LaurieBerenson, http://blog.sterlingcareerconcepts.com/2010/02/23/3-ways-to-keep-your-glass-half-full.aspx

Don’t Sweat The Job Search, @resumeservice, http://resume-writing.typepad.com/resume_writing_and_job_se/2010/02/job-search.html.

Mind Over Matter: Moving Your Stalled Search Forward, @careersherpa: http://hannahmorgan.typepad.com/hannah_morgan/2010/02/mind-over-matter-moving-your-stalled-search-forward.html

Finding Opportunity in Quicksand, @WorkWithIllness, http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2010/02/finding-opportunity-in-quicksand/

Job-Hunting in a Weak Job Market: 5 Strategies for Staying Upbeat (and Improving Your Chances of Success), @KatCareerGal, http://resumesandcoverletters.com/tips_blog/2010/02/jobhunting-in-a-weak-job-marke.html

What to do when you are discouraged with your job search @keppie_careers: http://www.keppiecareers.com/2010/02/24/what-to-do-when-you-are-discouraged-about-your-job-search/

It’s the little things @DawnBugni    http://write-solution.com/2010/02/25/its-the-little-things/

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After many hours spent filling out forms and dotting my ” i’s”,  I’ve  been awarded a contract as a vendor for the Social Security Administration’s Ticket to Work program.

I tend to do poorly with forms and details (just ask my husband!) and I knew it would be  torture.  Yet another example of the devil is in details.

But I know how hard it is to live with chronic illness  and find and maintain a job in which you can thrive.  I’m delighted that the government sees a way that it can offer support to people with chronic illness by giving them the tools they need to work in whatever way they can.

So I figure maybe I can be of service this way.

Do you live with chronic illness, receive social security disability benefits, want to go back to work and believe you could use some coaching on this?  Or know someone who would qualify?  Contact your SSDI office.  I’m told I’m on their listings.   You can find out specifics about my services on my website. But there are other opportunities to choose from.

FYI! All vendor services are  free of charge to recipients.

Why would you choose to work with a career coach if you’ve been on disability and want to become employed again?   Here are some reasons:

• Although you have an employment history, you’ve been out of work so long that you fear you’re no longer employable.
• You don’t know how to look for a job since you’ve been out of the workforce so long.
• You’re unsure how to talk about the gaps in your resume or how and if you should talk about the illness.
• You can’t do the tasks you once could and you’re not sure you’ve skills that will get you employed.
• You worry about being an unreliable employee and wonder if that’s a good reason not to try.
• You’re just plain scared to go back to being employed.

I don’t have job listings, I don’t give solutions but I can help you find your own answers, create strategies for how to do a job search and work with you to stay on course.    The rest is up to you.

If you read my stuff, you know that I believe that work can be good for your health.  That’s why I’ve become an  SSDI Tix to Work Vendor.

For more information about the program, read this post (Don’t forget Your Ticket to Work)

I hope you’ll pass this on to anyone you know who might be interested.

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Living with chronic illness can leave even the toughest person feeling vulnerable.  You just wish that other people could “get it”, don’t you?

I know from personal experience how hard this is in a marriage  (How a Marriage Survives When One Person Gets Sick, MORE Magazine) .  And marriage is all about the relationship,  where two people have declared that it’s for better or worse, sickness and health, etc.

But what can you expect at work where the goal  is to produce products or deliver a service?  No doubt, positive relationships make work go more smoothly.  But we have to remember that no matter what we might wish for, relationships aren’t the endgame  in the workplace. At best they’re a tool for effectiveness and worst, they’re a by-product.

I thought about this when I was speaking with my client, Ann (not her name).  Ann, who lives with  Lupus, is a graphic designer.   She worked on a team in which, although everyone worked independently, all the parts contributed to the whole on a consistently very tight schedule.  If one person slipped, the ship went down.

Ann’s unpredictable and debilitating symptoms meant that the tight deadlines became a disaster.  A few weeks ago, she asked to be ‘demoted’ to a  job with less responsibilities and reduced pay.  Which is why she’s in the job hunt.

Ann had created a “needs” assessment  for her next job (using my Working With Chronic Illness Workbook).  In our conversation, she  told me that she wanted a supportive environment, where people care about her and how she’s doing.  Heading up her “Needs” list was  “support”.

But when I asked her to describe what  support at work means to her,  she said, “People who  respond positively when I say that I’m unable to meet a tight deadline alone but with some help, could get there. People who pitch in and help if I’m stuck. ”

She was surprised when I commented that her description didn’t mention illness. Nor did she talk about anything emotional.  I  said that it sounds as if she’s looking for a team approach, rather than a gotcha’ response.  Again, she was surprised.

As we talked, Ann realized a few things.

First, she has to be clear with language.   What does support at work  mean to her?  Do you know what kind of support you need?

Second, Ann  would love it if people would empathize when she doesn’t feel well, rather than behave as if she’s just a problem for them –  or worse, that she’s making it up. But she finds that’s hard to predict.   Are there things you say or do that seem to work for you?

Finally, she has to be  in a job that she can do.    If you’re lucky and you’re good at communicating, people can be terrifically empathic.  But if you can’t do the job, you’re going to be history.  If  Ann needs flex scheduling and/or team support some or all of the time, then she needs a job where that’s the nature of the job.

Can you be successful in the job that you’re in or does it require support that’s simply not there?

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