Comments on: When Chronic Illness and Marriage Collide

By: News round-up: Relationships, fears, wellness programs and your health @ health-e inspiration

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:04:29 +0000

[...] When chronic illness and marriage collide, via @WorkWithIllness My husband is supportive, often asking me if I have my medication whenever we are leaving the house for any extended period of time. But I often worry about how my condition negatively impacts him. Rosalind Joffe (@WorkWithIllness) is a great advocate for those who work full time while living with a chronic illness, and she delves into how marriage can be impacted as well. Read on. [...]

By: Rosalind

Rosalind — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 11:44:28 +0000

Rhonda – I often think the “undiagnosed” is the worst. Just any other unknown thrown into the mix of unpredictable illness. It’s too bad that your Dr’s respond that way. Unfortunately, they’re just people and not trained to deal with feelings — and in particular, the difficulties of chronic ilness. I absolutely understand how it feels to want someplace to turn to — and not put it all on your loved ones. That’s why I do what I do -specifically to help around career issues but it’s a “wholistic” approach,. Check out the services page on the http://cicoach.com website.

You don’t have to do this alone- nor should you.

By: Rosalind

Rosalind — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 11:40:38 +0000

Laura – My heart is with you on this. You’re right. You have learned more than most in a short time and it will help you manage the other inevitable life stressors. I hope that you do have a child/ children, if you want. Anything is possible if you understand what you’ve committed to and act with clear intention! Thanks for sharing.

By: Rhonda

Rhonda — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 03:32:19 +0000

I’ve been sick with an undiagnosed chronic pain/fatigue condition for over 7 years, and my health has continued to decline with each passing year. My father and sister have auto-immune disorders, so I suspect I’m in the same boat. I’m a college professor. On one hand, I am grateful to have the security of a tenured teaching position – I know how lucky and blessed I am. But on the other hand, I’m terrified. It is getting harder and harder to get through each semester. I’m in a long-term committed relationship, but I am self-supporting. When I try to talk to my Drs. about my concerns, I hear things like I need to find a sugar-daddy, or I’m just lucky to have the great job I have. This is not helpful; its as if they don’t take the demands of my career or need to work seriously.
So what is the point of all this? I guess, mostly, I’m just so grateful to have read the article in More magazine, and to have found this and other resources for women who are ill. I’m looking for every possible resource to help me keep on going, without driving myself, and those who love me, completely crazy.

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:15:41 +0000

meant to say “many of our friends were welcoming their first babies.”

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:14:41 +0000

Thank you for this posting. My husband and I just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary on August 28th. I was diagnosed with lupus in 2006, two years after we were married. My diagnosis came at a time when many of our first babies. It seemed cruel and unfair that we were learning to deal with a disease instead of welcome a baby into our lives.

We’ve made it through many ups and downs through the last 5 years, that included other stresses, job changes, a miscarriage, my decision to work on a masters degree.

This past winter, we felt like we were drowning in stress. My husband wanted me to try alternative therapies, even though I have been very healthy and my lupus is in control with conventional treatments. My husband was so worried something would happen to me, and he felt it was his job to save me. His help felt smothering and controlling, and he felt I was being stubborn and intractable for not trying the latest treatment that he had read about.We realized we needed to go to marital counseling. It was the best decision we could have made.

We realized that in 4 1/2 years, we had experienced more trauma than most couples who have been married much longer. Weekly counseling sessions, weekly homework assignments to reflect on our marriage and our emotions saved us. We still use the tools that we learned in marriage/relationship counseling to cope with stress.

I would advise anyone to find a counselor to help cope with the stress and trauma of chronic illness. Counseling saved us.

By: Christina Gombar

Christina Gombar — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 18:59:00 +0000

I just wanted to say that the More piece, especially Rosalind’s contribution, was phenomenal. It really tackled the tough personal issues.

By: Rosalind

Rosalind — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 13:13:18 +0000

FYI Julie – I don’t think I can remove the address on the 1st comment?

Julie & Rachel – You should get my book ,( Women, Work & Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend! – It has good info — So does my Workbook, Keep Working With Chronic Illness – both are on my blog, cicoach.com

I got sick in my late 20′s and KNOW how discouraging this is. Get help from people who understand what you’re up against – therapists & career coaches— yes iike me -but this isn’t a sales pitch as much as a plea. These ARE the years you have to wrap your head around what you CAN do – before you also have to deal with society’s ageism bias.

I have to blog on this, don’t I? I’m glad you’ve found me – keep reading and lettin gme know what you need!

By: RachelB

RachelB — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 05:45:17 +0000

I’m over here from Shakesville. My partner has been dealing with unexplained chronic pain for the last four years. We’re both in our early 30s and getting discouraged, and I’m very grateful for the links you have posted here. Thanks, Rosalind.

By: Julie

Julie — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 00:32:35 +0000

Thanks, cheezwiz, I was trying to post something like that, but was having trouble with my internet connection. I’m sorry my first message was so cryptic.

I just found your blog through Shakesville, and I’m so glad I did. I have a partner with chronic health issues that haven’t yet been diagnosed, so I’m looking forward to reading more!