Planning ahead and letting everyone be on the same page is critical. No one can be expected to know or understand what we go through, and it is not their main concern. Their main concern may be a project or keeping their job or staying in budget and on time. I always approached it as do what needs to be done for success.

I am home now, but have returned to the world of business as an entrepreneur. It is just as important to have that network, that team behind the scenes that help keep the train moving.

Thank you, Rosalind for a great article!

Judith Wilson Burkes

Planning ahead and letting everyone be on the same page is critical. No one can be expected to know or understand what we go through, and it is not their main concern. Their main concern may be a project or keeping their job or staying in budget and on time. I always approached it as do what needs to be done for success.

I am home now, but have returned to the world of business as an entrepreneur. It is just as important to have that network, that team behind the scenes that help keep the train moving.

Thank you, Rosalind for a great article!

Judith Wilson Burkes
Personal blog: http://uniquefamilylife.blogspot.com
Business blog: http://celebrateconnections.blogspot.com
Send Out Cards: www. sendoutcards.com/celebratec

Thank you for this post. I’ve spent the better part of the last three years apologizing for my illness and how it has inconvenienced EVERYONE. The sad part is that I truly did feel guilty and ashamed. Hearing another person’s story is useful because I can see myself as C, and I probably would have wasted a day’s time writing long, agonized general apologies to everyone involved, while I would clearly have told C that she has no reason to apologize for her illness.

I learn here a great deal:
1. Afterward during the upset, it is critical to slow down and do whatever is possible to remain calm.
2. What bosses, colleagues, clients, and staff can say, especially in the heat of the moment, can hurt deeply, but it’s about them, not us; they all have jobs to do, and they are not in the mood to be compassionate when they are in hot water themselves. So we cannot take these responses to heart. I’ve learned to let people vent, and if they speak within reasonable boundaries, I just let it all go. There have been times when a person’s anger was so outrageous, I had to address it personally a few days later when I was capable of a thoughtful response.
3. If we tell our co-workers about our condition (most likely because it just can’t be helped), everyone is very kind and supportive. Again, these attitudes are for times when they are “in the mood”. Also, we simply cannot expect anyone to understand what we are going through; it’s just not going to happen.
4. The bottom line is, as Megan and Rosalind stated, that we have to be responsible and accountable for everything we possibly can. There are very few things we can control. And when we wake up feeling disoriented and sick and intensely pained, an email to alert work of our absence is sometimes the only control we can muster. On what days our pain will be vicious is certainly something we cannot control.
5. I try to get as much done in advance as possible, and then I send my materials to the relevant person so someone else has it. Since my pain is getting worse, I am considering hiring a virtual assistance, e.g. at http://www.assistU.com.
6. I have been blessed to have so many wonderful people on my support team throughout the years: doctors, nurse practitioners, coaches, spiritual directors, psychologists/psychiatrists. And my husband; I let him know what I have going for the coming week, and it is much nicer getting a sweet kiss and reminder in bed than getting blasted later on!

I hold all you “girlfriends” in the highest esteem for being able to “keep working.” I am learning to change my habits based on observation and journaling of when and why things go wrong (or discerning a pattern). I have learned a great deal about myself as well (good and bad). Facing the things I spent a lifetime trying to avoid was tough going for a while, but being chronically ill changes the priority of issues; things that used to be “life and death” matters may not even be on the list anymore. And amazingly, after a lot of effort, I find it easier to mentally deal with the overwhelm of work versus when I was healthy; again, looking at the world through the lens of pain is a priority-altering experience. Of course, I can’t ignore what I am being paid to do, but I asked my boss to allow me to drastically reduce my “urgent” responsibilities so I may focus on my “important” ones for this first year that I am essentially as back to work as I can be.

Warm wishes,
Diana