Comments on: Michelle and her Dad’s Chronic Illness http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2008/09/michelles-response-to-her-dad-chronic-illness/ Mon, 07 May 2012 12:58:41 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Maureen Hayes http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2008/09/michelles-response-to-her-dad-chronic-illness/comment-page-1/#comment-4562 Maureen Hayes Wed, 10 Sep 2008 23:33:05 +0000 http://workingwithchronicillness.com/?p=445#comment-4562 WOW, did you ever hit a nerve for me. I live with, and care for my 75 year old mother. To be fair, she spends a good amount of time helping me when I am sick too, but it gets wearing to have to deal with someone else's illness when you have so much of your own. Recently my mom was hospitalized for almost two weeks. I had to take care of her (because the hospital wasn't!), be her advocate, keep things running at home, and somehow manage my own health issues. I love my mother very much, and I know she appreciates all I do, but there were times I was short with her, and it had more to do with my own frustration than her. All I can say is I try my hardest, and when I fall short, or am short tempered, I sincerely apologize to her. I think that the issue of again/ill parents is a big one for all of us, but to those of us with chronic illness it can be overwhelming. Thanks for saying what a lot of us feel, but feel we have to keep to ourselves all too often! WOW, did you ever hit a nerve for me. I live with, and care for my 75 year old mother. To be fair, she spends a good amount of time helping me when I am sick too, but it gets wearing to have to deal with someone else’s illness when you have so much of your own. Recently my mom was hospitalized for almost two weeks. I had to take care of her (because the hospital wasn’t!), be her advocate, keep things running at home, and somehow manage my own health issues. I love my mother very much, and I know she appreciates all I do, but there were times I was short with her, and it had more to do with my own frustration than her. All I can say is I try my hardest, and when I fall short, or am short tempered, I sincerely apologize to her. I think that the issue of again/ill parents is a big one for all of us, but to those of us with chronic illness it can be overwhelming. Thanks for saying what a lot of us feel, but feel we have to keep to ourselves all too often!

]]> By: Rosalind Joffe aka cicoach.com http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2008/09/michelles-response-to-her-dad-chronic-illness/comment-page-1/#comment-4390 Rosalind Joffe aka cicoach.com Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:28:41 +0000 http://workingwithchronicillness.com/?p=445#comment-4390 That's a good point, Anne. But once again, it's the story of life, isn't it? There isn't a one size fits all model to follow. We do what we CAN. And that's more than good enough. That’s a good point, Anne. But once again, it’s the story of life, isn’t it? There isn’t a one size fits all model to follow. We do what we CAN. And that’s more than good enough.

]]> By: Christina Gombar http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2008/09/michelles-response-to-her-dad-chronic-illness/comment-page-1/#comment-4389 Christina Gombar Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:18:34 +0000 http://workingwithchronicillness.com/?p=445#comment-4389 It was great to hear Mrs. Obama praise her chronically ill father. But I can't help feeling for all those MS-stricken fathers who, despite the best will and attitude in the world, couldn't keep going into work. There seems to be only one acceptable public story about living with a chronic illness: Overcoming it. But the reality for some people is that it's just not possible. Anne Finger, a polio survivor, explores this issue at length in her recent memoir, Elegy for a Disease, a Personal and Cultural History of Polio. Every time she heard of 1956 Olympic runner Wilma Rudolf as having "overcome" polio, the crutch-dependent young Anne was filled with shame: "Whenever I heard that, I felt a sense of shame. If she could do it, why couldn't I?" It's important not to burden others with our illnesses, but it's also important to get out the truth that there are a variety of ways of honorably coping with physical limitations. Full funcitonality isn't possible for all. It was great to hear Mrs. Obama praise her chronically ill father. But
I can’t help feeling for all those MS-stricken fathers who, despite the best will and attitude in the world, couldn’t keep going into work.

There seems to be only one acceptable public story about living with a chronic illness: Overcoming it. But the reality for some people is that it’s just not possible.

Anne Finger, a polio survivor, explores this issue at length in her recent memoir, Elegy for a Disease, a Personal and Cultural History of Polio. Every time she heard of 1956 Olympic runner Wilma Rudolf as having “overcome” polio, the crutch-dependent young Anne was filled with shame: “Whenever I heard that, I felt a sense of shame. If she could do it, why couldn’t I?”

It’s important not to burden others with our illnesses, but it’s also important to get out the truth that there are a variety of ways of honorably coping with physical limitations. Full funcitonality isn’t possible for all.

]]> By: DiAnn Levy http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2008/09/michelles-response-to-her-dad-chronic-illness/comment-page-1/#comment-4385 DiAnn Levy Wed, 03 Sep 2008 16:21:19 +0000 http://workingwithchronicillness.com/?p=445#comment-4385 Boy, do I hear you. I have fibromyalgia, myofascial pain syndrome, chronic fatigue and arthritis. I also work a full time job (high stress) and take care of my 88 year old mother who has advanced vascular dementia. I can take a sick day(s) at work if I'm not feeling well, but taking care of my mother never stops. In fact I've been "caregiving" for the last 11 years - first with my dad and now my mom, and without any help. My mother is extremely demanding most of the time. Even when she's not acting like a 3 year old, there are days that I just don't want to or can't physically deal with her and her illness which is progressive as you know. The end of my long work day is particularly difficult. Sometimes I tell her that I'm hurting or not feeling well. She's sympathetic, but still wants her dinner in bed or whatever it is that she's demanding at the time. I try not to complain to my coworkers or my mother, but there are days that I just can't help it. So I try to find balance by letting people know when I am not well enough to do something or if I need to rest, and keeping the less challenging days to myself. It helps that I have a couple of really good friends that will listen to me whine. Again, I try not to make that a habit also. My father was like Michelle Obama's - never complaining despite his physical pain and othe problems - yet, always trying to do for his family. He was my hero and my shining example. DiAnn in Pittsburgh Boy, do I hear you. I have fibromyalgia, myofascial pain syndrome, chronic fatigue and arthritis. I also work a full time job (high stress) and take care of my 88 year old mother who has advanced vascular dementia. I can take a sick day(s) at work if I’m not feeling well, but taking care of my mother never stops. In fact I’ve been “caregiving” for the last 11 years – first with my dad and now my mom, and without any help. My mother is extremely demanding most of the time. Even when she’s not acting like a 3 year old, there are days that I just don’t want to or can’t physically deal with her and her illness which is progressive as you know. The end of my long work day is particularly difficult. Sometimes I tell her that I’m hurting or not feeling well. She’s sympathetic, but still wants her dinner in bed or whatever it is that she’s demanding at the time. I try not to complain to my coworkers or my mother, but there are days that I just can’t help it. So I try to find balance by letting people know when I am not well enough to do something or if I need to rest, and keeping the less challenging days to myself. It helps that I have a couple of really good friends that will listen to me whine. Again, I try not to make that a habit also.

My father was like Michelle Obama’s – never complaining despite his physical pain and othe problems – yet, always trying to do for his family. He was my hero and my shining example.

DiAnn in Pittsburgh

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