Phyl Rubin is talking but not about furniture. Phyl and Bernie  own a New England furniture store chain.  No, Phyl is talking about a secret she’s kept for 40 years:  living with multiple sclerosis.

40 years of silence?  Why?  She didn’t have to worry about losing her job or a demotion.  Did she think it would hurt sales?  She’s quoted  saying she didn’t talk about it because she’s a “private” person.  But she’s been in the  “public eye” for decades.  Why did illness have to be private?

I think there’s a problem with the fact that people don’t talk about their illness and work in the same breath, do you?

I know the fear that this will negatively affect how others perceive them.  But as Phyl’s husband, Bernie, said, people were noticing that she wasn’t the same –  and making incorrect assumptions about her.  When illness becomes debilitating, it’s noticeable.

The reality is that the overwhelming majority of people with chronic illness  do not disclose their illness at work. Which means that supervisors and co-workers are unprepared about what to do when it  comes up.

I’m not talking about complaining to anyone who will listen that you’re sluggish or have some pain. But there’s the point when you’re having trouble doing the work and your performance is suffering.  There are some who can’t understand what chronic illness – unpredictable, waxing and waning, and often invisible – means. You might get negative responses or a subtle (even not so subtle) put down.

You have to be strategic talking about illness when others are depending on your deliverables.   It also takes confidence and clarity.  You can get some tips in my blog post and more  strategies in my booklet, Talking About It.

The fact is that more than 40% of American workers  lives with at least one chronic illness. But  talk with human resource professionals about this issue and they typically  say it’s not a problem for them.  Of course, not.  No one talks to HR about this – at least not until they file for disability.

Many come to me when they’ve hit serious roadblocks after disclosing their disease at work.  But when we dig deep, disclosure  isn’t the root problem.  Sometimes they can no longer do that job — or in that place.  Sometimes they need to make adjustments.  You can find assessments in the Working With Chronic Illness Workbook .

I don’ t have an answer for this but it’s clear that saying nothing until you have to leave work altogether isn’t it.   It’s not easy to let people know how hard your day is when you look fine.   Or more importantly, why you can’t meet that deadline or make that meeting.  But unless you do, they’ll have no idea what your problem is or what might help you.   And you have no chance for improving the situation – - until you leave on disability.   What do you think?  What have you done about  this and how did it go?

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Chronic illness, complicated as it is, leaves many searching for a simple answer.

Lately, a tantalizing headline has gotten much  press in the social media ‘disease’ community (yes, I’m on  twitter and you can tweet me @WorkWithIllness):

“Exercise can Quiet Anxiety that Comes With Illness”.

Help me, please.  What’s the news here?   That people who live with illness also experience anxiety?  That exercise can help alleviate that anxiety?

I felt a particular sense of annoyance with this research when a client told me about an email she got from a  co-worker.  The email writer sent a link to this study with a note saying that since my client must feel very anxious  about her multiple sclerosis symptoms, this is great news.  Exercise is the cure.

My client lives with symptoms that are periodically difficult to manage and puts in a minimum of 45 hour/week on her job.  She said that although the email writer’s a “jerk”,  she wanted to talk about her guilt for not exercising and her paranoia that other co-workers  would conclude that multiple sclerosis must be her fault.   Can you relate to this?

I read several articles about this research and from what I can tell, the findings say:

• Exercise decreases anxiety for those who had not been exercising at all.
• Exercising at least 30 minutes a day is optimal.

But even if you can carve out that 30 minutes a day, that’s not the only challenge.  You’ve got to figure out what to do and where.  Vigorous exercise is rarely an option with debilitating symptoms  (cross off that spin class).  And with changing symptoms, some days even mild exercise can be a problem.

Additionally, for  those who need a class or  teacher to stay motivated, there’s the cost.   True, running or walking outside doesn’t cost a dime but weather,  like illness, is unpredictable.  Extremes of any kind – heat or cold – can affect aggravate many health conditions.  And there’s ice.  Nothing like waiting all day to take that long walk  after work but icy streets and bitter cold, especially in the dark, present real danger for you.  Not exactly  an anxiety reducer, is it?

Consider this.   When you’re given  suggestions or “solutions” about your health that you didn’t ask for, you’ve got some choices:

1. You can respond angrily that they don’t understand.
2. You can wallow silently in self pity and guilt.
3. You  can think about the suggestion, consider the source to decide if you want to respond and consider the suggestion to see if it fits for you.

For more ideas about talking about chronic illness symptoms at work, check out my Career Thrive When You Live with Chronic Illness Series.

Tell me, what do you do?  How is that going?

On another note, a colleague has asked  me to post this request: Women business owners: Have you experienced a past personal crisis while running your business and lived through it to tell the tale? If you would be willing to share your story, we would like to interview you for an upcoming book, tentatively titled “When Life Happens.” Your experience and lessons learned can help today’s women’s business owners navigate similar life events. If you are interested in being interviewed, email chris@prioritywellness.com.  Put “Share My Story” in the subject line. Chris will respond with an initial questionnaire to assess whether your story is a match for the book. If so, either Chris or her co-author Elli will contact you to schedule a 1 hour phone interview.

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Being a  career collective blogger gives me a monthly reminder that people living with illness face the same issues as healthy people. This month’s  questions are  (you can find links to my fellow blogger posts  at the end of this article):

• What do you do when you’re really, really, really discouraged  about your unsuccessful job search?
• How do you overcome the negative aspects of a job search?

Unemployment, like illness, can be a highly negative force in a person’s life.  Facing either or both can be daunting. It’s easy to feel like you’re sinking in quicksand.

But it doesn’t have to devastate.  And that’s the challenge, isn’t it?

We, human beings, have the mental ability to figure out how to overcome even the nastiest situations.  But we can also get undone by our own negative thoughts.

Take a moment and think back to a time in your life when all seemed hopeless.  What helped you move from that place?  We attribute a lot to luck but more often it was  your mental attitude that made it happen.

When I was my 20’s,  there was a phrase – and book – that became popular,   “Be here now.” I thought it meant don’t worry about the future or dwell on the past.  It was appealing but felt out of my reach.

Living with unpredictable and debilitating illness,  I’ve developed my skills to  “be here now” (although far from mastery!) and learned to appreciate what this thinking can do.   Simply put,  if you can only feel worry when you think about the future, you’re not improving a situation.  But when you  consider what’s ahead and think about how to meet it, you’re more likely to stay balanced, strong and confident.

Similarly, when you can only think about past deeds and “beat up” yourself or others  for what went wrong, you’re wasting your time and draining your energy.  But when you use what has happened  to form plans based on that knowledge, you are maximizing your resources.

In other words, when you think strategically, you can let go of  the worry and negativity that pull you down.  That allows you to feel hope and let the positive energy  be heard.

Yes,  easier said than done.  That’s why I’m giving you some 2 tactics that can help you get your strategic thinking skill moving:

• When you start to dwell on the bad things that have happened,  list on paper what you’ve tried in your search, what has worked and why, what has not worked and why, and what can you learn from this.
• When you start to dwell on the bleak outlook that you see ahead, list on paper  what you’ve tried that you might do differently, what you haven’t tried, what it would take and what you can do to make it happen.

It’s not a magic bullet.   But there is magic when we can see the opportunities that help us climb out –  or better yet, avoid – the quicksand.

Want to read more on this topic? Here are titles and links to the other careercollective bloggers:

You Can Beat the Job Search Blues: 5 + 3 Tips to Get Re-energized, @KCCareerCoach, http://coachmeg.typepad.com/career_chaos/2010/02/beating-the-job-search-blues-.html

3 Ways to Keep Your Glass Half Full, @LaurieBerenson, http://blog.sterlingcareerconcepts.com/2010/02/23/3-ways-to-keep-your-glass-half-full.aspx

Don’t Sweat The Job Search, @resumeservice, http://resume-writing.typepad.com/resume_writing_and_job_se/2010/02/job-search.html.

Mind Over Matter: Moving Your Stalled Search Forward, @careersherpa: http://hannahmorgan.typepad.com/hannah_morgan/2010/02/mind-over-matter-moving-your-stalled-search-forward.html

Finding Opportunity in Quicksand, @WorkWithIllness, http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2010/02/finding-opportunity-in-quicksand/

Job-Hunting in a Weak Job Market: 5 Strategies for Staying Upbeat (and Improving Your Chances of Success), @KatCareerGal, http://resumesandcoverletters.com/tips_blog/2010/02/jobhunting-in-a-weak-job-marke.html

What to do when you are discouraged with your job search @keppie_careers: http://www.keppiecareers.com/2010/02/24/what-to-do-when-you-are-discouraged-about-your-job-search/

It’s the little things @DawnBugni    http://write-solution.com/2010/02/25/its-the-little-things/

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After many hours spent filling out forms and dotting my ” i’s”,  I’ve  been awarded a contract as a vendor for the Social Security Administration’s Ticket to Work program.

I tend to do poorly with forms and details (just ask my husband!) and I knew it would be  torture.  Yet another example of the devil is in details.

But I know how hard it is to live with chronic illness  and find and maintain a job in which you can thrive.  I’m delighted that the government sees a way that it can offer support to people with chronic illness by giving them the tools they need to work in whatever way they can.

So I figure maybe I can be of service this way.

Do you live with chronic illness, receive social security disability benefits, want to go back to work and believe you could use some coaching on this?  Or know someone who would qualify?  Contact your SSDI office.  I’m told I’m on their listings.   You can find out specifics about my services on my website. But there are other opportunities to choose from.

FYI! All vendor services are  free of charge to recipients.

Why would you choose to work with a career coach if you’ve been on disability and want to become employed again?   Here are some reasons:

• Although you have an employment history, you’ve been out of work so long that you fear you’re no longer employable.
• You don’t know how to look for a job since you’ve been out of the workforce so long.
• You’re unsure how to talk about the gaps in your resume or how and if you should talk about the illness.
• You can’t do the tasks you once could and you’re not sure you’ve skills that will get you employed.
• You worry about being an unreliable employee and wonder if that’s a good reason not to try.
• You’re just plain scared to go back to being employed.

I don’t have job listings, I don’t give solutions but I can help you find your own answers, create strategies for how to do a job search and work with you to stay on course.    The rest is up to you.

If you read my stuff, you know that I believe that work can be good for your health.  That’s why I’ve become an  SSDI Tix to Work Vendor.

For more information about the program, read this post (Don’t forget Your Ticket to Work)

I hope you’ll pass this on to anyone you know who might be interested.

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If you live with chronic illness, you’ve probably realized that:

• Symptoms can come and go when you least expect it
• The intensity and  how it impacts you can vary
• This can wreck havoc on your job

How do you explain the changes?  Yesterday you were able to get to work and do your job just fine. But today you’ve got pain,  fatigue or some body part isn’t working and you’ll be a few hours late or maybe won’t be in at all.

One solution is to work “virtually”. Virtual work does not guarantee flexible scheduling – unless you work for yourself or it’s built into the nature of the job you do (e.g., such as writing, research, web design.)  But it does cut out a commute and in many cases,  it can mean that you have more flexibility to shift your work schedule around your health needs.

I’ve worked with people who have transitioned their jobs from a brick and mortar office to working at home.  What I’ve seen is that the  key piece is to  make sure that there are good reporting and communication systems  in place. Expectations  about what others can expect and when must be clear to everyone involved. Communications trails have to be documented.   In fact, you have to be more precise than when you were in the office.

One client in my Just In Time Career Coaching program found that her supervisor became really difficult when she stopped coming in.  But when she explored this further, she learned it had nothing to do with her performance.  Her supervisor missed the personal interaction!

I’ve worked with others who found that after they  went “virtual”, they were working even longer hours  because  systems weren’t in place.   You can get some good ideas  for communicating while working virtually .

I work virtually but for myself.  For 17 of the 22 years that I worked in large and small operations, I lived with debilitating diseases.  My career skills meant I only had full time and physically demanding options.   With two young children, neither my body nor soul were  up to it. To keep working, I had to  “reinvent” myself.  My priority was to work at home.  I didn’t intend to work for myself but it happened.   As with everything,  I can see that there have been positive and downsides to working this way.

The upside:

• I  develop relationships and network, market my services,  and work with clients worldwide without leaving my home.
• I don’t waste my  the energy on commuting, have to deal with bad weather or worry about finding myself in situations where I’m physically challenged.
• I  take the breaks I need when I need them to take care of my body and I don’t worry how this might affect how I’m perceived.
• I design and take charge of my time and energy with no one to thank or blame but myself.

The tough stuff:

• Studies show that working promotes health because it gives you a sense of purpose, creates a schedule and gives you social interaction.  But working virtually can be isolating, especially if you’re solo. If you’re struggling with illness, you can lose your sense of purpose and drive without the support of others.
• When I’m not well,  I’m alone in this body.  Mostly it’s a relief but sometimes it’s weird and it would be nice to have people contact.
• I miss being around people. Although my days are busy talking on the phone and emailing -  people who work for me,  colleagues with whom I work on projects, and clients,  I often miss having that face-to-face interaction.
• Although I don’t miss getting “dressed”  for the office, there are days that I’d like  a reason to wear a suit.  Go figure.

I’m sure I’ve missed some points here.   Another perspective is at The Pros and Cons of Working Virtually.  Are you a virtual worker?  What have you found?

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This weekend, while preparing our taxes, my husband mentioned that he’d been paying a credit card  expense.  It was a small monthly fee and he’d assumed it was a business expense that I’d mistakenly put on our personal charge card.  The unfortunate truth is, it’s not unusual that I make such mistakes.

But I didn’t recognize the vendor.  I figured it was some scam and called the number on the statement.  But when a very nice man, Roderick, explained that he had email verification that I joined their “discount club”, I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

Apparently, one  year ago, I ordered shoes at  shoebuy.com and for free shipping, I signed up to join this “discount” club.  I must have been taken in by the note that said  that the first 30 days were free –  and then they charge you. I remember buying the shoes –  I  desperately needed winter boots  and I was fitting this in between client calls -but the discount club offer is a blank in my mind.   Roderick said that they sent the confirming information –with the form that I wanted to end the relationship — to my home address.  But I obviously missed all that.

So I spent $100 for something I didn’t want, need or use.   Trying to save money, I spent more.  I’d say this is an example of   “Productivity is an Action – Not a Solution” .

Does this happen to you?  Sure, I could tell myself to read the fine print more carefully.  But there’s a bigger lesson for me.  Be wary when you’re  skipping steps, saving money or cutting corners.  Even if sometimes it works ,  too often it doesn’t.

The ease of “online”  creates a tendency to expect more from ourselves.  And when you live with illness, that’s a slippery slope because we’re always  looking for shortcuts.  But –and this is reminder to myself  – that’s not the same as being efficient!  Whether you work for yourself or for others, keep your eye on  how you can do the task  well rather than trying to do it fast.  That’s got to be your trump card.

But, what do you do when your supervisor says quantity tops quality?   Well, look at what happened to Toyota. When you live with illness, you, too, can easily fall into the “recall” category.  Your best chance is to work on quality and leave quantity to others.

On another note, here’s your chance to be part of a significant study on chronic illness and work.  Alyssa(who is conducting this) contacted me a year ago about this study and now she’s ready to go:

I am a young woman living with MS, and I am also a PhD student doing my dissertation on chronic illness stigma in the workplace. I am looking for people who have chronic illness(es) and work to take an online survey. It will take about 20 minutes of your time, and in return you will be entered in a drawing to win one of 10 online gift cards to Amazon.
The survey is completely anonymous and the study has been approved by my University’s IRB (a board of professionals who review studies to make sure they are safe for participants).
Please click on this link for more information and to participate:

http://www.surveygizmo.com/s/218897/workplace-survey

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Living with chronic illness can leave even the toughest person feeling vulnerable.  You just wish that other people could “get it”, don’t you?

I know from personal experience how hard this is in a marriage  (How a Marriage Survives When One Person Gets Sick, MORE Magazine) .  And marriage is all about the relationship,  where two people have declared that it’s for better or worse, sickness and health, etc.

But what can you expect at work where the goal  is to produce products or deliver a service?  No doubt, positive relationships make work go more smoothly.  But we have to remember that no matter what we might wish for, relationships aren’t the endgame  in the workplace. At best they’re a tool for effectiveness and worst, they’re a by-product.

I thought about this when I was speaking with my client, Ann (not her name).  Ann, who lives with  Lupus, is a graphic designer.   She worked on a team in which, although everyone worked independently, all the parts contributed to the whole on a consistently very tight schedule.  If one person slipped, the ship went down.

Ann’s unpredictable and debilitating symptoms meant that the tight deadlines became a disaster.  A few weeks ago, she asked to be ‘demoted’ to a  job with less responsibilities and reduced pay.  Which is why she’s in the job hunt.

Ann had created a “needs” assessment  for her next job (using my Working With Chronic Illness Workbook).  In our conversation, she  told me that she wanted a supportive environment, where people care about her and how she’s doing.  Heading up her “Needs” list was  “support”.

But when I asked her to describe what  support at work means to her,  she said, “People who  respond positively when I say that I’m unable to meet a tight deadline alone but with some help, could get there. People who pitch in and help if I’m stuck. ”

She was surprised when I commented that her description didn’t mention illness. Nor did she talk about anything emotional.  I  said that it sounds as if she’s looking for a team approach, rather than a gotcha’ response.  Again, she was surprised.

As we talked, Ann realized a few things.

First, she has to be clear with language.   What does support at work  mean to her?  Do you know what kind of support you need?

Second, Ann  would love it if people would empathize when she doesn’t feel well, rather than behave as if she’s just a problem for them –  or worse, that she’s making it up. But she finds that’s hard to predict.   Are there things you say or do that seem to work for you?

Finally, she has to be  in a job that she can do.    If you’re lucky and you’re good at communicating, people can be terrifically empathic.  But if you can’t do the job, you’re going to be history.  If  Ann needs flex scheduling and/or team support some or all of the time, then she needs a job where that’s the nature of the job.

Can you be successful in the job that you’re in or does it require support that’s simply not there?

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This is the monthly #Career Collective Bloggers post.   Scroll down to the bottom of the post to see the list of other bloggers and click on the links to read their valuable thoughts on the following question.

This month’s question is: What advice do you have to help job seekers transition and make the most of the new year?

Being unemployed and looking for a job can be  demoralizing.  Living with illness can be  demoralizing.  No doubt there are other difficult life events  but these would rank at the top of anyone’s  “life’s  bad events”  list.

Naturally you’d want to avoid  experiencing both of these at the same time.  But, unfortunately, that’s not a choice.  If you’re facing this,  do you feel hopeless,  think you have no options and you can’t see what you can do differently?

How are you doing with that thinking?  Probably not great.

Let’s face it, you can’t change that you live with a  chronic illness.  But a positive attitude of hope and seeing opportunity in unlikely places at the least helps you get through the day in a better mood.  (I know that because I live it.)

Do you find that you’re getting more listless and unmotivated?  A positive attitude helps you move and interact with others.  It draws in others and encourages them to want to be around you.  All of which helps your well being and, need I say, your work status.

Are you thinking, easier said than done.  I can’t change the way I feel.

True enough.  Constant rejection and negative feedback  – either in a current job or in a job hunt – plus living with disabilities makes it hard to hold onto positive.

What can you do if negativity keeps nipping at your heels, when you least expect or want it?  What do you do if you realize this is a problem but you can’t help yourself?

That was true for me.  When I was young (and healthy!) I had a generally “glass half empty”  outlook about my own life.  But the truth is that bad health helped me realize that I couldn’t afford that thinking or behavior.  I had to teach myself new tricks.

I’d love to tell you that there are 3 sure fire tips to developing a positive attitude.  It’s not that neat but there are some well defined places to start.

• First, create your intention for yourself.  This is your big theme idea of how you want to approach your career and it’s becomes like your north star, your guidepost.   You might not ever reach it but it’s where you’re headed.
• Next, set some goals for yourself with clearly defined desired outcomes.
• Now, identify the opportunities and what gets in your way of achieving them.
• Finally, identify where and how you can get support from others to fill in your gaps.

Maybe you’re thinking, I’m too old to change or I’ve been this way forever.    But it’s not true.  Forget what that say about old dogs.  My dog, not old but not a pup either,  can learn new behavior.  Because his habits are ingrained, he needs more help from me to learn a new trick.  And then he needs reinforcement.

You can get that new training, new ideas and reinforcement by reaching out for help. Join online or professional professional groups for information.  One tool I’ve used often in my career is a mastermind team (more information  is in this online booklet - I’ve not used but it covers the stuff).   A mm team is  a terrific way to get ideas and feedback from like-minded people.

Another tool I rely on is to work with a coach.  Yes, it’s a  financial investment.  But when you find the right fit, it’s the best  investment you can make in your future.

You can stop repeating the same old tricks that keep you stuck in “half empty” mode.  Start today.

# CareerCollective Bloggers Posts on this topic:

Career Trends and Transition 2010, @MartinBuckland, @EliteResumes, http://aneliteresume.com/

Kaizen and the Art of Your Job Search, @heathermundell, http://dbcs.typepad.com/lifeatwork/2010/01/kaizen-and-the-art-of-your-job-search.html

Looking Into the 2010 Careers Crystal Ball @barbara safani http://www.careersolvers.com/blog/2010/01/18/looking-into-the-2010-careers-crystal-ball/

The Resume and Your Social Media Job Search Campaign @resumeservice
http://resume-writing.typepad.com/resume_writing_and_job_se/2010/01/socialmedia-resume.html

New Year: Time to Assess Yourself and Your Career @kat_hansen http://resumesandcoverletters.com/tips_blog/2010/01/new-year-time-to-assess-yourse.html

Help for job seekers in a rut @keppie_careers http://www.keppiecareers.com/2010/01/19/help-for-job-seekers-in-a-rut/

Job seekers: 5 tips for making the most of 2010 @heatherhuhman http://www.heatherhuhman.com/2010/01/job-seekers-5-tips-for-making-the-most-of-2010/

Ya, but @DawnBugni http://write-solution.com/2010/01/21/ya-but/

Advice to Job Seekers in 2010–learn Yoga? @ErinKennedyCPRW http://exclusive-executive-resumes.com/career-collective/advice-to-job-seekers-in-2010-learn-yoga/

Starfish, JobAngels, and Making a Difference @Chandlee http://emergingprofessional.typepad.com/the_emerging_professional/2010/01/starfish.html

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A reporter was interviewing me about chronic illness and working.  She was very surprised when I said, “The single most important factor that helps a chronically illl person continue to work is to work in a flexible environment.”

She asked me what “evidence” I have to support this.   (Have you noticed how popular that word has become lately?  It seem that it’s only true if it’s “evidence-based”.)  I responded that I have anecdotal evidence —   I’ve seen it myself and heard it from others.

No.  I haven’t found any  research linking people who continue to work while living with a chronic illness and the flexibility of their workplace (have you?)  Unfortunately, it’s not something that seems to be studied.   (Anyone want to do this — or fund me to research this?)

I told the reporter that I’d written about this issue numerous times (in my book, Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease:Keep Working, Girlfriend! and more recently, this post, Who Needs a Flexible Workplace?)   I’m not an expert nor a researcher.   Just a believer.

In the meantime, we’ll  rely on our experience.  And, the studies that support flexibility for all workers (Making Flex Time a Win-Win).

FYI – I’ve just read a great book on “reinventing” your career, New Job, New You by Alexandra Levit.  I like that she offers good stories of people who’ve done this and has solid tips.  Although it doesn’t touch on chronic illness issues,  you can do the translation.

When I’m working with clients who are changing careers or even their jobs,  I encourage them to make flexibility a top priority.  I’ve noticed that this isn’t obvious to those with new disease onset.   It’s hard to imagine how chronic disease waxes and wanes, requires periodic doctors appointments often during the work day and can have different symptoms that come and go.  But live with disease for a few years and you can see that this is one unpredictable beast that can upset any schedule.

Do you have any reason to think that this isn’t important?  I’d love to hear it.

Yes.  We must have easy access to high quality health care.  But just as importantly, we must be able to find a decent job at a living wage that allows us to take care of our health.  And the code word here is flexibility.

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There are just too many definitions for chronic illness to list ( google it for yourself) and many contradict each other.

But, no matter what the definition is, there’s one thing you can count on in unpredictable chronic illness world.

Living with chronic illness will affect your quality of life.

What makes me so sure?  I’ve seen it daily  — both  in my  life with illnesses,  and professionally, as a career coach to those with illness.

In  “Mugging Myself”, Psychology Today, Alida Brill writes how she “mugs” herself as she lives with MS.   Been there, done that, I say.  How about you?  Do you get in your own way? Are you tripping over your own feet in spite of your best efforts to sail smoothly with illness?

It’s easy to understand why. But do you have to accept this?  It’s unlikely you can can change the disease course.  But Do you believe that you can change how you live with it?

If you’re saying, yes, here’s a starting point.  I’ve seen 3 traps that too many people fall into. And I’ve worked with  people to think about it differently and seen what works.  Try this.

Ask yourself:

• Am I behaving as if living with a chronic illness is a sprint rather than a marathon? (Even with sprinters, it’s a marathon). If you are,  you’re bound to run out of steam.  Chronic illness requires patience and planning. It requires endurance.  And, you need to live in a place of  hope that you’ll make it to the finish line. Even if you can’t actually run a marathon, can you behave as if you are?

• Is there some part of me that lives in fear of being “stressed”? Anywhere you turn, the message is that stress is bad for chronic illness.  But according to Dr. Esther Sternberg  (Stress, Chronic Illness and You),  stress can be good for you, too.   Sure, avoid on-going toxic stress, when possible.  But rather than focusing on what to avoid, put your energy toward managing the source of the stress and learning to live with the stress.  Is managing the source and the stress a more pro active, empowering stance for you?

• Do I live life as fully as I can and allow myself to do the things that make me happy? Yes, symptoms can mean that you have to pare down.  But you can still reach for those stars that will bring your fun and fulfillment.  In Lemonade anyone?, I describe how a painful task created new opportunity.   Start with setting desired outcomes – rather than unspecific goals. And  create daily intentions to achieve them. Can you create lemonade for yourself?

But wait, you’re saying, I’m too stuck or too busy to think about this now.   Really?  That’s why this is the right time.

Unless you only work best on your own, ask for help (or pay for it).   Find someone who will encourage you to get  and stay on track.  Yes, a chronic illness career coach is  ideal (smile!)   – or a life coach who knows about illness.  But it can  also be  someone you know who understands what you’re up against.

Have you discovered ways  to avoid these mind traps – or others?

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