How do you know when it’s time to tell your boss about your chronic illness?

I got this question in my email today (I added the bold):

“At what point, if ever, do I need to tell my employer I have a chronic illness? In the past, I’ve always gone with the philosophy of not mentioning it until something happens and it causes me to need to take a week off to rest, or I get an episode of double vision and can’t drive or read my computer monitor. At my current position, I was here 4 years before anything came up. I always figured that if I proved myself to my employer first, by being reliable, smart, and doing good work, they’d cut me some slack when I needed time off or some kind of accommodation. Is this a good approach or not? Is there something better?”

Obviously she feels uncomfortable — but I’m not sure she’s identified what’s really bugging her. And that’s a problem because when you don’t know what’s wrong, you come to conclusions that don’t solve the real problem. Here are some questions I have:

1. Do you think that this illness hurts your performance?

2. Do you think that telling your employer earlier (before an episode) would make a difference in your ability to get your work done?

3. You say they haven’t “cut you slack”. Do you think that’s the nature of this organization or is it something that you might be doing?

I didn’t give advice. I don’t know enough about her to do that. Anyway, there are specific and concrete suggestions for how, why and when to disclose at work in my Career Thrive Guidebook, Are You Talking?

Too often, we don’t know what’s really bugging us - and we make decisions that don’t solve the real problem. I have a hunch that’s true for the person who emailed me.

You can give yourself the challenge to find out what needs to be different for you to work successfully living with a chronic illness. Read about how I work with people, a lot like you, on my website . And then contact me so we can talk about how my coaching programs can help you stay working in the best way that you can.

Rosalind

Chronic illness or not, being able to network and write compelling resumes are keys to landing jobs. But do they always go hand in hand?

My daughter is 23 and has been working as an ESL teacher through Teach for America (TFA). Calling me at 7:00 am this morning (as she often does on her way to work), she tells me that she has a networking meeting later that day with someone at TFA and had forgotten to run off a resume. What to do?

Ah hah! Mom actually had some good advice here (that’s where being a career coach helps!). I told her that she doesn’t need a resume in this kind of meeting. Sound like sacriligious? Look. If you’re not interviewing for a job but asking someone to brainstorm possibilities or open up the rollodex, you’re better off with what I call your “Career Highlights” sheet. (I have to come up with a snappier name for it).

When I was job hunting, I used to mail (in the dark ages before email) my resume before such a meeting — thinking this made me look prepared. But once there, I could see it hadn’t been opened. I even found this was true with formal interviews. And you certainly don’t want someone wading through this detail while you’re sitting there.

Better to create something that can be read quickly -and efficiently.

• Career goal or job objective. IF you know this, then it’s really important to make it clear especially in informational interviews so people don’t wander all over the map wasting your time and theirs.
• A bulleted list of your skills and competencies (just a few).
• Most important jobs with job title and dates.
• Relevant education.

That’s it. Fill in the blanks when you’re talking. Much easier and more likely to accomplish what you need.

I plan to write in the next post about how to talk with “connectors” — the people you’re networking with — about the “blanks” that happen from disability leaves or the career switches due to illness. Have you got any stories to share?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

PS. NEWS UPDATE! I’ve been told that my book Women, Work and Autoimimune Disease: Keep Working Girlfriend! has been printed and is ready to go to the book distributor. Very exciting. I’m also creating a home study guide workbook system to go with it. Stay tuned…

If I had a dime for every time someone said to me,”I’d like to be self employed”, I’d be rich (well maybe my pockets would jingle). You don’t have to have a chronic illness to dream about self employment. But I can tell you from personal experience, it was a huge motivator for me.

If you’re dreaming about leaving that job for self employment, you gotta’ ask yourself:

1. Do I have an idea that people would pay for?

2. Do I have the financial support necessary to make it happen?

3. Do I have the motivation to make it happen?

Pam Slim (Exceptionally rich and juicy post on becoming lifestyle entrepreneur), mentioned a post written by John Ahrens that is not to be missed, Become a Lifestyle Entrepreneur . (FYI - the blog is Anywired.com — about Work Online Work Anywhere Live Free - I mean, who wouldn’t want that?) If you’re already an entrepreneur - or are seriously considering it, read this post now.

Ahrens says there are 3 types of entrepreneurs. I’m the 3rd type, Doing it for love (certainly not for minimalism). He missed a 4th category, “Doing it because there is no other choice - this is all you CAN do”.

He has a list of terrific ideas for the online entrepreneur - most I already knew about but forget. That’s why a list is so helpful - it’s all in one place. For instance, testing out products before creating them. Too often, I get so excited about an idea that I forget to test it. Lesson #1: Hunches don’t pay the bills.

Here’s something he didn’t discuss. For many of us with chronic illness, the biggest hurdle to changing your job, working for a small business or self employment is getting adequate health insurance. Check out Joan Friedlander’s post on my other blog, KeepWorkingGirlfriend.com, Affordable Healthcare for People with Chronic Illnesses? I’ve gotta’ think that with the increasing number of small businesses and self employed people, there will be more options for reasonable (even if tiered) healthcare. Have you heard of any others?

Are you self employed? Do you dream about it? What’s getting in your way?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

QUESTION: What do a farmer and a job hunting person have in common?

ANSWER: They both have to spread more seeds than they can ever use in the hope that some will sprout.

A client, L, emailed me asking my opinion if she should go to a career expo, sponsored by Women for Hire.

L asked: “Are these meant for younger women (L is 54 years old)? How can someone with an unusual res: ume like mine (meaning a chronic illness interruption) make it worthwhile to attend? What do I do if I get into a conversation about my last job and my chronic illness comes up?”

FYI, Women for Hire describes itself: “Women For Hire career expos are high-caliber recruiting events that enable talented women in all fields to meet directly with recruiters and hiring managers from top employers. Whether you’re an experienced professional with several years of experience under your belt or a graduating college student,these one-day events are an ideal chance to launch or advance your career.”

When you’re looking for a new job, you have to spread as many seeds as possible. It is like planting flowers that way. You see what sprouts and pay attention to the strongest seedlings. This is especially true, when your career doesn’t fit easily into a 20 second elevator pitch. You have to spread wide and deep.

I don’t know if this particular expo targets younger women. But, I do think that it’s difficult for most people to make valuable connections at most job fairs/expos. My guess is that it’s easier to be successful here if you’ve taken a linear career path and fit easily into a snapshot profile.

So, when you’re debating whether to go or not to a job fair, ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I a Myers Briggs “E” - an extrovert who is comfortable presenting myself and talking with others about me?
2. Can I describe what I’ve done, where I’ve been and what I’ve done quickly enough to hold the attention of someone with a short attention span?
3. Is there something I can learn here? Would it be useful to learn about what kinds of traditional jobs are “out there” in my region (because non -traditional jobs don’t typically show up in this venue?
4. Would it be useful just to get out of the house and meet people — and if so, can I tolerate the feeling that this might lead to nothing.

But whatever you don, don’t let talking about your career path — or time off — be the stumbling block. My Career Thrive Guidebook, Are You Talking will give you the strategies (the mental focus) and the tactics (what, how and when to say it) you need.

So, what about these events? I’ve heard many people say that these events are waste - and my guess is that’s true for at least 80% of the people who go.

Have you gone to a career expo with good results? Do you find chronic illness makes any difference here? What works for you?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

How hard is it for you to regulate your own environment? How well do manage your resources? Forget it - you can’t look to the United States government or most of the developing countries of the world for a role model - they stink at it. Why?

My theory is because it’s just not sexy.

Hard driving results, buzzing with energy, over the top in productivity … These are the standards the US has set — and it’s hard to beat. I’ve struggled for years with this notion. While everyone around me was living the fast-paced life, I was barely holding on. I couldn’t be that super mom with two kids and still hold a job — and stay out of the hospital. I couldn’t be a stay-at-home mom who took long runs in the morning with friends while the kids were in school — or serve supper to the kid’s soccer team of 40 while balancing a million balls in the air.

Finally, my contemporaries are looking at 60 and realizing the resources can be depleted if you push too hard (so much for being a smart ass who knew this at 30!). The concept of conserving your resources doesn’t appeal when working and playing hard is the norm.

But when you live with a chronic illness, it’s just not a choice. At least not if you want to keep playing in the game. When the old image doesn’t fit, you have to create a new one that does.

Here’s an exercise I designed for a client:

1. Start by digging deep - look into yourself. Ask yourself, What is my image of a successful, appealing person - someone I’d want to be around, someone I’d want to hire? You might draw this or write it.
2. Take a good hard look at this image. Is this really as attractive as you think? Why or why not? Does this person have the qualities necessary for the long run - sustainability? Can you sustain it - given your health - and is it worth it?
3. Notice the gaps. Are there parts of that person that you would hold onto and parts that you see don’t work?
4. Design a new image. Now, create a different image of “you” - one who would be more adaptable to the reality of your body and your environment - a new you that others find appealing and attractive.

Make this your first step toward becoming comfortable in “being green” — - and conserving your resources!

You can find out more about the next steps you can take in my Career Thrive Guidebook, “Make It Happen” and the other booklets. Are you still stuck pushing too hard or are you doing something to conserve?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

If Andy Warhol was right, I’ve used up my 15 minutes of fame.

That’s how long it took for me to read this article “Working While Chronically Ill” , forward it to my family and take a breath to revel in the press!   It’s in the “Shifting Careers” column of the Small Business section of the New York Times.

Honestly? I felt a little weird getting that press. I was never someone who liked to be in the spotlight - I froze every time I had a piano concert as a kid. That probably sounds odd coming from a blogger but this feels different. When I write these posts, I feel as if I’m writing to you (each of you). This feels more vulnerable somehow.

But most importantly, don’t you think the press is good for this issue?  I’m glad that the title says what it does - it doesn’t beat around the bush.  But when someone writes an article about you or your business you can’t control the content.   Comment here - share what you think it might have included that it didn’t????

Rosalind  aka cicoach.com

In the past few weeks, I’ve “traveled” out of town twice: a short business trip and a longer vacation. And again I was reminded of my disabilities and their affect on what I do and how I do it. The take away message?

Gotta’ be clear with myself about what I can and can’t do or I’m just going to make a mess of things.

I remember taking a 3 mile hike in intense heat with my husband, Jake, in the Arizona Desert - our anniversary weekend 15 years ago– when I realized I couldn’t do it and couldn’t even make it back on my own. Yes, I said I wanted to hike that trail. No doubt, if I’d thought about it, I would have seen it wasn’t a good idea. But, I didn’t like thinking of myself as someone who couldn’t do certain things. So we both lost out. He had to walk back with me and didn’t get to hike that day. I didn’t get to hike and felt responsible for his loss also.

I’ve learned a bit since then. I’m better at asking myself what’s possible - and not expecting him to make that decision for me.

It’s the same stuff that comes up with your boss and your colleagues. Here’s one example. You have a meeting coming up with your boss about your next yearly deliverables. Over the past six months, you’ve had several acute flairs and needed time off from work. You missed several deadlines but always caught up. Your boss has been understanding but now you want to set expectations that you can meet. That’s a good plan.

But you’re worried that you’ll come across as unenthusiastic and disinterested if you lower the performance bar. You’ve always been the high energy person who outperforms everyone. The problem is that you’re so wrapped up in your own desires for yourself and your own disappointment that don’t have a clue what your boss actually thinks. That’s a problem.

Confused about what to do? Ask yourself:

1. If your direct report doesn’t meet deliverables, how do you feel about that?
2. What would you expect him to do about this?
3. Which would you prefer - an enthusiastic employee who doesn’t get the job done or a realistic employee whom you can count on?

It’s easy to feel frustrated and deny that you can’t do some things because of chronic illness. To pretend you’re that other person - the person who is “healthy”.

What do you ignore? What do you do about it?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

Several emails asked me to post a picture from my trip to Argentina. This was Iguazu Falls. Impressed that a sign indicated wheelchair accessibility — but disappointed no rating for “people with bad balance that gets worse in intense heat!” But we know that chronic illness symptoms are difficult to rate, don’t we?

Which leads me to this question: Do chronic illness symptoms make you afraid that you won’t be able to work at some point? Are you wondering/ worrying about that next job? Are you asking how to look for and get a job you can do when you can’t predict how you’ll feel tomorrow, let alone next month?

The current tight job market is scary — even for healthy people. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t find better work if what you’re doing isn’t “working” for you.

I got this email from a reader in response to my blog post, When It’s Time to take Charge of Your Body and Your Schedule,

Dear Rosalind, Thank you for this. I am dealing with this issue right now. I am not going to be able to continue at my current job much longer for this reason. I have always been the over-achiever type as well, but I don’t need to keep trying to prove myself. I would rather find another job that I enjoy and can do at a slower pace, even though the pay will be less. I am putting together an exit strategy to get out of my job. It would be different if I loved my job and wanted to keep doing it. But I am only doing it for the money and it isn’t worth the stress. I feel much better now that I’ve made that decision.”

Typical career search starts with a clear eyed assessment of your “strengths” (skills and competencies) and your “personal agenda” (needs, wants and values). Chronic illness means including (even if it hurts) your “limitations” (physical, mental and personal responsibilities). Rate your personal agenda (scale 1-5) so you can play with relative importance when weighing the options.

This is one tool to think differently about your options - and evaluate jobs for “best” fit. Sound too simple? It’s not simple — but it’s not as hard as you might think. Let’s face it, chronic illness increases those self limiting thoughts! And where does that get you?

I just ordered this book: How to Find Work in the 21st century. The workplace has changed dramatically in the last 10 years - most of it not for the better in my opinion - but one improvement for chronic illnesser’s is increasing flexibility, virtual work and an acceptance of “reinventing” yourself.

And here’s an interesting online article,  A Handy View of the Future of the Workplace,  which describes business writer, Charles Handy’s, idea that in the future there will be “..no offices, not even cubicles. The work that can be done alone will be done at home.”

That would suit many of the folks I work with - how about you?

Finally, you might notice that I mentioned several times emails from readers. Why not comments on the website posts? Feedback from my online survey on my website   (if you haven’t done it - do it now and get the Free Report) indicates that an ONLINE FORUM is one of the responders top 3 needs.  That’s what a blog is -an online forum. If you receive these posts as an email subscriber, click on the headline, it takes you to the web - scroll to the bottom of the post to comments and click on that. It’s easy — and you’re creating a community -more than just one voice, MINE!

Share your story - what works/ doesn’t work for you in looking for new jobs — or careers?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

I recently discovered the website, celebrating uc success where I read about Joshua Reineke who is doing remarkable things — while living with a chronic illness, ulcerative colitis (UC) . I wrote Josh and asked him if I could interview him so you could hear his story.

By the way, Josh is a graduate student at Brown who is finishing his dissertation (delivering it on 4.11) and he found the time to write this. That’s commitment to the cause, I’d say.

RJ: Josh, when were you first diagnosed and how old were you?

JR: I was diagnosed in September 2005 at the age of 25. I had been symptomatic for nearly a year before receiving the correct diagnosis. During that year I visited many doctors to discuss my symptoms, which were always diagnosed as runner’s diarrhea. At the time I was engaged in intensive triathlon training and I noticed that my symptoms worsened with running which was consistent with their diagnosis. However, I had always been very active and I felt that something else was going on with my body. It was not until I insisted on a referral to a gastroenterologist that I was diagnosed with UC.

In a sense the diagnosis was a relief because I could then face my condition with a knowledge of what was occurring.

RJ: How did this disease affect your ability to go to school, do your school work (through undergraduate school) and in general, live what would be considered a “normal” life?

JR: When I was diagnosed I was married, the father of a 9 month-old girl, a graduate student and was a competitive triathlete. Initially, all aspects of my life took a big hit. I was not able to take an active role as a husband and father, my training became erratic and I frequently missed days at work, which put my research behind schedule. This was a rough period in my life, so, with help and support from my wife, I made a commitment to face the challenges of UC.

I began to gain control of my disease by regularly taking my medications, restricting my diet to “safe” foods and reducing stress. Since then my UC diagnosis has provided an extra motivation to enjoy my active lifestyle doing activities with my family, traveling and training for triathlons.

On the whole I live a “normal” life, but considerations regarding my UC are always in my mind and there are the occasional bad days. I found that by not stressing or worrying over too many of the potential problems, my condition actually improved. Keeping a positive attitude so that my life is not defined by UC has been helpful in facing UC as just a challenge.

UC is a debilitating disease, but I have heard many inspiring stories over the past year that have motivated me and given me further confidence to live a normal life. This is a goal of the Celebrating UC Success program co-sponsored by the CCFA (Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America) and Proctor and Gamble Pharmaceuticals. Hearing others’ stories of overcoming the challenges of UC is helpful, particularly for somebody going through a flare or in the scary weeks after diagnosis.

It can feel like a return to a normal life is not possible during those times, but with confidence, support and encouragement you can return to a normal life. It is important for UC patients to know that.
RJ: Do you notice that your attitude about living with disease has changed over the years and, if so, how?

JR: It has only been 3 1/2 years since I have been diagnosed and I would say there has only been one shift in attitude. When first diagnosed I was ashamed of the condition and did not want others to know about it. This has changed as I have found discussing it and letting others know has reduced my stress and improved my condition. This has made my outlook much more positive.

RJ: Can you share any significant or “life shaping” experiences you’ve had regarding other people’s (particularly bosses, teachers, mentors) response to you and your illness? (e.g. have you found that others have tried to tell you that there are things you shouldn’t do - or to limit you ? Or that their belief in you affected you?)

JR: There was a very significant moment that caused a complete change in my outlook. About one month after I was diagnosed my sister-in-law was getting married. My wife, Noi, is very close with her sister and this was a very exciting time for her as well. While I had been diagnosed a month earlier, I had not told anybody (beside Noi of course) of my condition and with the medications I had began I was generally feeling ok.

The rehearsal dinner was the night before the wedding and my wife was really looking forward to spending the evening and night with her sister before her wedding. During the rehearsal dinner I began to feel very sick and as the evening went on I was reduced to a ball on the floor in intense pain and shaking with chills.

My wife took me to the hospital that night instead of spending that “once in a lifetime” night with her sister. It still pains me today that I took that away from her. To make it worse, nobody understood what was going on (since nobody knew I was recently diagnosed with UC) creating a little un-necessary drama.

Fortunately, I was feeling much better for the wedding day. I did not want UC to interrupt my life, or others’ lives, in that way again. It was then that I made a commitment understand my UC and how to take control of it. Additionally, the circumstance forced me to speak about UC; in some cases with complete strangers.

It was not as hard to speak about as I thought it would be and I no longer had the stress of what people would think of me if I ran off to the nearest restroom. It was no longer something unexpected or something to stress over. This leads me to another great aspect of the Celebrating UC Success contest. I mentioned earlier that it was helpful for UC patients to hear UC success stories, but it is also helpful for UC patients to tell their story.

RJ: I’m interested in your experience talking about this. I’ve created a Guidebook called Are You Talking? about how to talk with people about illness symptoms.

Do you think that having a chronic illness at a young age made it easier or more difficult to make good decisions regarding a career?

JR: I actually consider that I was not that young to be diagnosed of a chronic illness relative to others that I have met with IBD. I cannot imagine the challenges of having UC while in high school. I am inspired by the courage of so many kids with IBD. However, a friend who was diagnosed at a young age told me that he could not imagine being diagnosed in your 20s and having it “turn your world upside down.”

For me, it was not much of a factor in deciding my career. There are so many other factors involved in a career choice. For me it was about finding what I am passionate about and enjoy. Then determining how to best manage UC for the particulars of that career was the second step.
RJ: You’re currently in graduate school. How did having a chronic illness affect your career choice?
JR: I was diagnosed while in graduate school, but I recently was on the job market and accepted a faculty position. My UC did not have much of an impact in deciding my career track (academia v. industry), but I certainly recognized some of the advantages and disadvantages of each pertaining to UC.

If any of your readers who are interested in learning more about the Celebrating UC Success contest should visit the program’s web page.

Thank you for sharing my story with your readers.

Rosalind’s note: I was diagnosed with UC when I was 40 years old after living with MS for 12 years. It was a devastating disease for me - high fevers, no bowel control, hospitalizations and blood infusions. I stopped working for a living - for two years. My sick colon was removed 5 grueling years later - and I’m living with an ileostomy (given the MS damage, I didn’t want to worry about my bowel control any more). I was glad that I was already married and my life was established — I thought it made it easier to deal with the horrible effects this illness had on me.

(NOTE: For anyone newly diagnosed, UC “hits” people differently - as do all diseases. We have to remember this — as we also recognize the shared experiences. )

Here’s my question to you, dear reader: What was going in your life when you were diagnosed (or realized you have a chronic illness) and what about that particular time of your life made it easier or more difficult?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

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I sat down to write my usual post — about chronic illness, career, issues that move me.   But,  I’m distracted by my  “to do” list:  Work (did I email my virtual assistant about posting next week’s blog?),   Personal   (did I tell Dan, taking care of our dog, Iko, that Iko needs bran with his food?), should I take the extra jeans (?)  …. and  send itineraries to family members!

Jake and I are flying to Buenos Aires, Argentina tomorrow - we’re going to visit our daughter, EmmaRose, an NYU student who is studying there (if you call a course in Tango dancing studying!)

In case you’re wondering - I’m very excited but, as always, also nervous about “symptom” management.  I just wrote that post about traveling — and that was a train to NYC!   This is a 15 hour flight (ok - with a 2 hour layover). A long time in a small seat … my feet getting swollen (remember the bunion surgery?) and my back contorting. Pressurized cabins - and bad sinuses. Have to get to the bathroom — but we’re not allowed to move????  (Do I have enough poise pads?)

So here are my plans so I can have fun.  Ace bandage the foot on the plane, bring ipod to fall asleep on plane (and muscle relaxer for my legs that twitch).  For BA - Good walking shoes, nothing to carry but light purse (no laptop! or even palm pilot! - and no stopping in internet cafes to check email!),   car tour (rather than walk around the city as we normally might).  One of our destinations is Iguazu Falls - one of the 7 wonders of the world!

Oh - and  don’t forget to take my Online Survey - when you do, you get to download my new report, Perspective - a real situation seen from an employee and a managers point of view.

Adios! 

Rosalind    aka cicoach.com