This weekend, while preparing our taxes, my husband mentioned that he’d been paying a credit card  expense.  It was a small monthly fee and he’d assumed it was a business expense that I’d mistakenly put on our personal charge card.  The unfortunate truth is, it’s not unusual that I make such mistakes.

But I didn’t recognize the vendor.  I figured it was some scam and called the number on the statement.  But when a very nice man, Roderick, explained that he had email verification that I joined their “discount club”, I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

Apparently, one  year ago, I ordered shoes at  shoebuy.com and for free shipping, I signed up to join this “discount” club.  I must have been taken in by the note that said  that the first 30 days were free –  and then they charge you. I remember buying the shoes –  I  desperately needed winter boots  and I was fitting this in between client calls -but the discount club offer is a blank in my mind.   Roderick said that they sent the confirming information –with the form that I wanted to end the relationship — to my home address.  But I obviously missed all that.

So I spent $100 for something I didn’t want, need or use.   Trying to save money, I spent more.  I’d say this is an example of   “Productivity is an Action – Not a Solution” .

Does this happen to you?  Sure, I could tell myself to read the fine print more carefully.  But there’s a bigger lesson for me.  Be wary when you’re  skipping steps, saving money or cutting corners.  Even if sometimes it works ,  too often it doesn’t.

The ease of “online”  creates a tendency to expect more from ourselves.  And when you live with illness, that’s a slippery slope because we’re always  looking for shortcuts.  But –and this is reminder to myself  – that’s not the same as being efficient!  Whether you work for yourself or for others, keep your eye on  how you can do the task  well rather than trying to do it fast.  That’s got to be your trump card.

But, what do you do when your supervisor says quantity tops quality?   Well, look at what happened to Toyota. When you live with illness, you, too, can easily fall into the “recall” category.  Your best chance is to work on quality and leave quantity to others.

On another note, here’s your chance to be part of a significant study on chronic illness and work.  Alyssa McGonagle (who is conducting this) contacted me a year ago about this study and now she’s ready to go:

I am a young woman living with MS, and I am also a PhD student doing my dissertation on chronic illness stigma in the workplace. I am looking for people who have chronic illness(es) and work to take an online survey. It will take about 20 minutes of your time, and in return you will be entered in a drawing to win one of 10 online gift cards to Amazon.
The survey is completely anonymous and the study has been approved by my University’s IRB (a board of professionals who review studies to make sure they are safe for participants).
Please click on this link for more information and to participate:

http://www.surveygizmo.com/s/218897/workplace-survey

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Living with chronic illness can leave even the toughest person feeling vulnerable.  You just wish that other people could “get it”, don’t you?

I know from personal experience how hard this is in a marriage  (How a Marriage Survives When One Person Gets Sick, MORE Magazine) .  And marriage is all about the relationship,  where two people have declared that it’s for better or worse, sickness and health, etc.

But what can you expect at work where the goal  is to produce products or deliver a service?  No doubt, positive relationships make work go more smoothly.  But we have to remember that no matter what we might wish for, relationships aren’t the endgame  in the workplace. At best they’re a tool for effectiveness and worst, they’re a by-product.

I thought about this when I was speaking with my client, Ann (not her name).  Ann, who lives with  Lupus, is a graphic designer.   She worked on a team in which, although everyone worked independently, all the parts contributed to the whole on a consistently very tight schedule.  If one person slipped, the ship went down.

Ann’s unpredictable and debilitating symptoms meant that the tight deadlines became a disaster.  A few weeks ago, she asked to be ‘demoted’ to a  job with less responsibilities and reduced pay.  Which is why she’s in the job hunt.

Ann had created a “needs” assessment  for her next job (using my Working With Chronic Illness Workbook).  In our conversation, she  told me that she wanted a supportive environment, where people care about her and how she’s doing.  Heading up her “Needs” list was  “support”.

But when I asked her to describe what  support at work means to her,  she said, “People who  respond positively when I say that I’m unable to meet a tight deadline alone but with some help, could get there. People who pitch in and help if I’m stuck. ”

She was surprised when I commented that her description didn’t mention illness. Nor did she talk about anything emotional.  I  said that it sounds as if she’s looking for a team approach, rather than a gotcha’ response.  Again, she was surprised.

As we talked, Ann realized a few things.

First, she has to be clear with language.   What does support at work  mean to her?  Do you know what kind of support you need?

Second, Ann  would love it if people would empathize when she doesn’t feel well, rather than behave as if she’s just a problem for them –  or worse, that she’s making it up. But she finds that’s hard to predict.   Are there things you say or do that seem to work for you?

Finally, she has to be  in a job that she can do.    If you’re lucky and you’re good at communicating, people can be terrifically empathic.  But if you can’t do the job, you’re going to be history.  If  Ann needs flex scheduling and/or team support some or all of the time, then she needs a job where that’s the nature of the job.

Can you be successful in the job that you’re in or does it require support that’s simply not there?

.

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This is the monthly #Career Collective Bloggers post.   Scroll down to the bottom of the post to see the list of other bloggers and click on the links to read their valuable thoughts on the following question.

This month’s question is: What advice do you have to help job seekers transition and make the most of the new year?

Being unemployed and looking for a job can be  demoralizing.  Living with illness can be  demoralizing.  No doubt there are other difficult life events  but these would rank at the top of anyone’s  “life’s  bad events”  list.

Naturally you’d want to avoid  experiencing both of these at the same time.  But, unfortunately, that’s not a choice.  If you’re facing this,  do you feel hopeless,  think you have no options and you can’t see what you can do differently?

How are you doing with that thinking?  Probably not great.

Let’s face it, you can’t change that you live with a  chronic illness.  But a positive attitude of hope and seeing opportunity in unlikely places at the least helps you get through the day in a better mood.  (I know that because I live it.)

Do you find that you’re getting more listless and unmotivated?  A positive attitude helps you move and interact with others.  It draws in others and encourages them to want to be around you.  All of which helps your well being and, need I say, your work status.

Are you thinking, easier said than done.  I can’t change the way I feel.

True enough.  Constant rejection and negative feedback  – either in a current job or in a job hunt – plus living with disabilities makes it hard to hold onto positive.

What can you do if negativity keeps nipping at your heels, when you least expect or want it?  What do you do if you realize this is a problem but you can’t help yourself?

That was true for me.  When I was young (and healthy!) I had a generally “glass half empty”  outlook about my own life.  But the truth is that bad health helped me realize that I couldn’t afford that thinking or behavior.  I had to teach myself new tricks.

I’d love to tell you that there are 3 sure fire tips to developing a positive attitude.  It’s not that neat but there are some well defined places to start.

• First, create your intention for yourself.  This is your big theme idea of how you want to approach your career and it’s becomes like your north star, your guidepost.   You might not ever reach it but it’s where you’re headed.
• Next, set some goals for yourself with clearly defined desired outcomes.
• Now, identify the opportunities and what gets in your way of achieving them.
• Finally, identify where and how you can get support from others to fill in your gaps.

Maybe you’re thinking, I’m too old to change or I’ve been this way forever.    But it’s not true.  Forget what that say about old dogs.  My dog, not old but not a pup either,  can learn new behavior.  Because his habits are ingrained, he needs more help from me to learn a new trick.  And then he needs reinforcement.

You can get that new training, new ideas and reinforcement by reaching out for help. Join online or professional professional groups for information.  One tool I’ve used often in my career is a mastermind team (more information  is in this online booklet - I’ve not used but it covers the stuff).   A mm team is  a terrific way to get ideas and feedback from like-minded people.

Another tool I rely on is to work with a coach.  Yes, it’s a  financial investment.  But when you find the right fit, it’s the best  investment you can make in your future.

You can stop repeating the same old tricks that keep you stuck in “half empty” mode.  Start today.

# CareerCollective Bloggers Posts on this topic:

Career Trends and Transition 2010, @MartinBuckland, @EliteResumes, http://aneliteresume.com/

Kaizen and the Art of Your Job Search, @heathermundell, http://dbcs.typepad.com/lifeatwork/2010/01/kaizen-and-the-art-of-your-job-search.html

Looking Into the 2010 Careers Crystal Ball @barbara safani http://www.careersolvers.com/blog/2010/01/18/looking-into-the-2010-careers-crystal-ball/

The Resume and Your Social Media Job Search Campaign @resumeservice
http://resume-writing.typepad.com/resume_writing_and_job_se/2010/01/socialmedia-resume.html

New Year: Time to Assess Yourself and Your Career @kat_hansen http://resumesandcoverletters.com/tips_blog/2010/01/new-year-time-to-assess-yourse.html

Help for job seekers in a rut @keppie_careers http://www.keppiecareers.com/2010/01/19/help-for-job-seekers-in-a-rut/

Job seekers: 5 tips for making the most of 2010 @heatherhuhman http://www.heatherhuhman.com/2010/01/job-seekers-5-tips-for-making-the-most-of-2010/

Ya, but @DawnBugni http://write-solution.com/2010/01/21/ya-but/

Advice to Job Seekers in 2010–learn Yoga? @ErinKennedyCPRW http://exclusive-executive-resumes.com/career-collective/advice-to-job-seekers-in-2010-learn-yoga/

Starfish, JobAngels, and Making a Difference @Chandlee http://emergingprofessional.typepad.com/the_emerging_professional/2010/01/starfish.html

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A reporter was interviewing me about chronic illness and working.  She was very surprised when I said, “The single most important factor that helps a chronically illl person continue to work is to work in a flexible environment.”

She asked me what “evidence” I have to support this.   (Have you noticed how popular that word has become lately?  It seem that it’s only true if it’s “evidence-based”.)  I responded that I have anecdotal evidence —   I’ve seen it myself and heard it from others.

No.  I haven’t found any  research linking people who continue to work while living with a chronic illness and the flexibility of their workplace (have you?)  Unfortunately, it’s not something that seems to be studied.   (Anyone want to do this — or fund me to research this?)

I told the reporter that I’d written about this issue numerous times (in my book, Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease:Keep Working, Girlfriend! and more recently, this post, Who Needs a Flexible Workplace?)   I’m not an expert nor a researcher.   Just a believer.

In the meantime, we’ll  rely on our experience.  And, the studies that support flexibility for all workers (Making Flex Time a Win-Win).

FYI – I’ve just read a great book on “reinventing” your career, New Job, New You by Alexandra Levit.  I like that she offers good stories of people who’ve done this and has solid tips.  Although it doesn’t touch on chronic illness issues,  you can do the translation.

When I’m working with clients who are changing careers or even their jobs,  I encourage them to make flexibility a top priority.  I’ve noticed that this isn’t obvious to those with new disease onset.   It’s hard to imagine how chronic disease waxes and wanes, requires periodic doctors appointments often during the work day and can have different symptoms that come and go.  But live with disease for a few years and you can see that this is one unpredictable beast that can upset any schedule.

Do you have any reason to think that this isn’t important?  I’d love to hear it.

Yes.  We must have easy access to high quality health care.  But just as importantly, we must be able to find a decent job at a living wage that allows us to take care of our health.  And the code word here is flexibility.

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There are just too many definitions for chronic illness to list ( google it for yourself) and many contradict each other.

But, no matter what the definition is, there’s one thing you can count on in unpredictable chronic illness world.

Living with chronic illness will affect your quality of life.

What makes me so sure?  I’ve seen it daily  — both  in my  life with illnesses,  and professionally, as a career coach to those with illness.

In  “Mugging Myself”, Psychology Today, Alida Brill writes how she “mugs” herself as she lives with MS.   Been there, done that, I say.  How about you?  Do you get in your own way? Are you tripping over your own feet in spite of your best efforts to sail smoothly with illness?

It’s easy to understand why. But do you have to accept this?  It’s unlikely you can can change the disease course.  But Do you believe that you can change how you live with it?

If you’re saying, yes, here’s a starting point.  I’ve seen 3 traps that too many people fall into. And I’ve worked with  people to think about it differently and seen what works.  Try this.

Ask yourself:

• Am I behaving as if living with a chronic illness is a sprint rather than a marathon? (Even with sprinters, it’s a marathon). If you are,  you’re bound to run out of steam.  Chronic illness requires patience and planning. It requires endurance.  And, you need to live in a place of  hope that you’ll make it to the finish line. Even if you can’t actually run a marathon, can you behave as if you are?

• Is there some part of me that lives in fear of being “stressed”? Anywhere you turn, the message is that stress is bad for chronic illness.  But according to Dr. Esther Sternberg  (Stress, Chronic Illness and You),  stress can be good for you, too.   Sure, avoid on-going toxic stress, when possible.  But rather than focusing on what to avoid, put your energy toward managing the source of the stress and learning to live with the stress.  Is managing the source and the stress a more pro active, empowering stance for you?

• Do I live life as fully as I can and allow myself to do the things that make me happy? Yes, symptoms can mean that you have to pare down.  But you can still reach for those stars that will bring your fun and fulfillment.  In Lemonade anyone?, I describe how a painful task created new opportunity.   Start with setting desired outcomes – rather than unspecific goals. And  create daily intentions to achieve them. Can you create lemonade for yourself?

But wait, you’re saying, I’m too stuck or too busy to think about this now.   Really?  That’s why this is the right time.

Unless you only work best on your own, ask for help (or pay for it).   Find someone who will encourage you to get  and stay on track.  Yes, a chronic illness career coach is  ideal (smile!)   – or a life coach who knows about illness.  But it can  also be  someone you know who understands what you’re up against.

Have you discovered ways  to avoid these mind traps – or others?

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At the end of each year, I  take a few days off to develop my business plan for 2010.  Why do this?

Because it lets me take charge even if I can’t control the outcomes.  (Funny- it’s a good way to life when you’ve got chronic illness.)

Are you being proactive in living your life?  What might change in your life if you were?

Here’s what I do:

1. I review my core business mission (e.g., providing people living with chronic illness the resources and support they need to be successful in work).  I reflect on whether I met that.  If not, why not?  If yes, how?  Then, I consider if this will stay the same for the following year.
2. I review the  business  goals for the past year, whether I met them and why or why not. Then, I set new ones for the next year
3. I look at what I wanted to accomplish in my core products and whether I did that or not, always asking why or why not.  This is the most time consuming part.  But, it’s crucial because it gives me the data to set my focus for the next year, the resources (time and money) each requires, and  how it will help me achieve my business goals.   This allows me to make decisions with intention, rather than on a whim.

This  strategic thinking allows me to run my business with clear intention.  Apply this model to your business, your career or your life.

There are other things to consider.  In 2007, I described 3  core behaviors that are critical to success–  for everyone, but even more so for us in “New Years Thoughts“.

And, I wrote about living with hope last year in “The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Loss of Hope”.   After a year in which I  faced  increasing periods of illness myself,  I continue to believe in the need for hope.

Are you living with  intention?  Are you creating desired outcomes and mapping a strategic plan?  What has worked for you? What isn’t working?

These ideas don’t  mean that everything I do goes as I plan.  But they let me  take charge and be my own judge.   It’s better than leaving it up to a coin toss, isn’t it?

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Living  with chronic illness isn’t easy, under the best of circumstances.

And working can seem like it makes it tougher.

But the alternative is usually worse.

It was a dear friend’s 60th birthday party.  And, once again, my body was in revolt. I was feverish, tired,  nauseous –  with  numb feet and awful balance  (multiple sclerosis symptoms that get worse when I have an infection).  It was  kidney infection after too many urinary tract infections to count after living with multiple sclerosis for over 30 years.

When my husband, Jake, and I left early, they were rockin’ to,  “Dance to the Music”.   I was a sad puppy.  Yes, it helped to cry and vent to friends and family.  But I was still sick and my symptoms were still there.

Even though sleep didn’t improved how I felt, without a reason to get out of bed, I’d have stayed there.  And that wouldn’t have been good  – -  for my psyche or body.

Lucky for me, my job  “called”, and my day had  structure.  There were client appointments,  articles to write and projects to develop.  Nope, I wasn’t at the top of my game.  But I had enough to offer to make it worthwhile.  Mid week, the infection subsided and I returned to baseline.  Just another incident in living with chronic illnesses.

But I have no doubt that work, a schedule, things I had to do, created distraction and motivated me to keep moving. (I even exercised lightly!)

Is work a prescription for everyone?   Clearly not if the situation creates miserable pressure or the people are toxic.  But does that mean you have to quit altogether?

It is a key ingredient for better health, especially with chronic illness and waxing/wanting disabilities.  Not convinced?  This website,  return to work knowledge.org , offers evidence-based research that working promotes better health for the chronically ill.

And even if your situation is relatively good, it’s easy to dream about not dragging yourself to work on the bad days.  Are you at the  “tipping point”,  thinking, “Enough.  I just can’t go on.” ?   We explore just that in my book,  Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend! and describes how some people face this.

Over the past seven years as a career coach for people with chronic illness,  many people have hired me to help them get back into the workforce.  They left for various reasons.  But usually it was because they thought they were too sick to work or were in a difficult situation.   .  But  studies show that it’s harder to go back to work once you’ve left due to illness.  And the longer you wait, the harder it gets.

Are you wondering whether or not to stop working? 

With the New Year approaching and resolutions on your mind, you might ask these questions:

• Do I want illness to be a part of my life  rather than all that I am?
• What is the “long view”, a strategic approach, so I’m proactive rather than reactive?
  
• Is there something I can do now to be better prepared for what might be ahead?
  

What have you done to figure these issues out?  How is it going?

Are you looking for help in developing the skills and capacity to address these questions?   If yes, contact me to find out more about how I  work with people, like you.

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Holidays and a New Year.  It can  be a time of reflection – if you’re not too busy just getting by.

Or maybe, the problem is you don’t know what to reflect on?   It’s all so overwhelming.

You might start here.  Ask yourself,

“What can I do for myself, right now so I can manage it all:  my health, my career and the demands of  the season?”

Can’t answer that question? Have you tried  setting an intention?

I find it remarkably helpful to keep me on course, to stay in balance.   Use it as your  guidepost, you’re go-to position, when you’re in overwhelm mode.

My intention for the next few weeks is to some fun and laugh. When I wonder whether to do something or  I sense that what I’m doing isn’t good for me, I can check back with this intention.

What else can you do?

Create your personal agenda.

• Have you tried  prioritizing the social events  rather than assuming you have to do everything (or maybe nothing!).   For more on this, read my post: Holidays Include Office Parties You Don’t Want To Go To) I’ve said yes to invitations I want to or must do and eliminated the events wI can. That’s hard for me — and it probably is for you.  But when I do it, I never regret eliminating something!  I plan to spend most of the next two weeks with our daughters  — which I rarely get to do — and saying no to other things that might interfere with that.

Look at your career plans.  Are you looking for a new job or trying to improve your current situation?

• This is a great time to send hand written notes to people who have helped you and thank them.  This keeps you in their thoughts, it’s not big energy drain  and keeps up your momentum.  I’m taking a vacation from all client appointments for two weeks, I sent holiday cards to current and especially former clients and other contacts (a low stress thing to do) and set aside some business planning and professional development time for myself.

Finally, take a good  look at your health and your self care.

• This is a good time to take some time off from whatever you’re doing – just to give yourself a break.  You don’t have to keep convincing yourself that illness makes life difficult.  It does but you can give yourself some self care, too. What can you do for yourself that will help you to feel better? This is always tough. I’m planning to get lots of sleep, a pedicure and take some warm baths!  Mostly I’m hoping to be able to dwell on things other than what hurts or is tired (for a change) so plan lots of movies and other fun distractions.

Living with illness makes life unpredictable.  But we have to make  plans that let us keep  living our lives.  For more ideas on how to work, have a life and live with illness, check out my  “Career Thrive  When You Live With Chronic illness ” Guidebook series. I wrote it to motivate and sustain you!

What do you do so you can have some fun, keep working and still live with chronic illness?

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This month’s Career Collective topic is: Specific tips to help job seekers ramp up their efforts for the holiday season and the new year. At the end of this post, check out the collective wisdom of the career bloggers in the collective.

Are you living with chronic illness and looking at the holiday season with dread rather than excitement?

Do you find yourself wondering if you could just skip this somehow?

What’s this about?  Here’s what I think.

First, living with a chronic illness  means that no day is  truly a “holiday”.   We’re never off the clock.  Illness doesn’t respect holidays.

Plus,  the  long  holiday season means more demands on our already “stretched to the max”  physical resources.  People expect we’ll show up  — and we do, too.

We dig in our heals, put nose to grindstone and do what we HAVE to do.  Which is how we forget about a basic human need:  the need to relax and turn “it” off. We’re too busy riding the bus, rather than driving it.

I know because  I’ve fallen into this trap.  In the first few years of building my business,  cicoach.com, my laptop went on  “vacation” with me.  I  told myself  that I was making up for lost time – - all those sick years when I “fell behind” in growing a career.  I told myself that I loved what I did so it was okay to do it most of my waking hours.

Then it hit me.  In my desire to prove that work is good for me and to make up for any lost sick time, I wasn’t take charge of my life.  I’d given up driving my bus and was reacting rather than planning.

And I’m not alone.  I hear similar stories from many living with illness.

But don’t we  need  “vacation time” as much as the next guy/gal, healthy or not?  If you’re unsure,  a real vacation can simply mean time away from the  routine to do activities you enjoy.  (Read my  post: “Do you take vacations if you’re working with chronic illness?” )

So here’s my question for you. What can you do to drive your bus?

• Are you thinking that you don’t have the money, so why bother? Sure a trip to the Caribbean or a Greek island would be nice.   But, I’ve found that staying put, shutting down the computer, not scheduling my time and doing what moves me  rather than what has to be done  is time well spent, too. It rejuvenates the mind and the body.  Are there ways to vacation on your budget?

• Are you  worried that your employer is already so angry that you’ve missed work because of  illness? That can be a real concern in some cases. But think of this.  Most company benefits (when companies used to offer them!) separate time for health issues from vacation time for a good reason.  They’re not the same.  Yes,  business demands  have to be met and your absence might have put a strain on others.  But planned vacation isn’t the same as unpredictable short term disability.  What discussion can you have with your supervisor that would allow you to take vacation without fearing it will hurt you?

• Are you job hunting  or running your own business and fearful that you’ll lose valuable time if you “take a break”? It’s easy to let fear consume us.  But ask yourself, “Am I running on empty?”  If  holidays put more pressure on your personal life, can you   can you prioritize? Are there  choices that allow you to show up where you want and need to be and still take care of yourself?

Today is the best day to take charge of driving your bus rather than being a passenger and getting stuck in minefields.

Looking for more self care ideas?  My guidebooks, Career Thrive Series are chock full with concrete ideas that motivate and inspire.

I’d love to hear from you.  What do you to take care of yourself in the holiday season?

December 2009 Topic: Specific tips to help job seekers really ramp up their efforts for the holiday season and the new year. What should they do with their resumes? To improve their networking? Etc. … What ideas do we have to help our readers make the most of what some think is a “slow” season for hiring?

How did members of the Career Collective respond? Follow us on Twitter with our hashtag #careercollective and read these posts:

@MartinBuckland, Elite Resumes, “Season’s Greetings and your Job Search”

@GayleHoward, The Executive Brand, “It’s Christmas: And a ho-ho-ho-hum?”

@KCCareerCoach, Career Chaos, “The Gift Every Laid Off Job Seeker Needs”

@resumeservice, Resume Writing Blog,“Holiday Resume Sparkle: Outshine the New Year Job-Search Mob”

@heathermundell, life@work, “Have a Holly Jolly Job Search”

@sweetcareers,Sweet Careers, “Holiday Job Search Tips for College Students 2009?

@careersherpa, Hannah Morgan: Career Sherpa, “Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa Cheers”

@careerealism, CAREEREALISM.com, “Holiday Tip for Job Seekers: 4 Ways to Impress Others with Your Professionalism”

@heatherhuhman, HeatherHuhman.com, “4 Tips for Making the Most of Holiday Job Hunting”

@LaurieBerenson, Sterling Career Concepts,  “Three Resolutions to Take It Up a Notch”

@KatCareerGal, Quintessential Resumes and Cover Letters Tips Blog,   “Avoiding the Holiday Blues in Your Job Search”

@DawnBugni, “The Write Solution Could that sound really be opportunity? During the Holidays?”

@andyinnaples, “Shift Your Focus to the Highest Impact Job Search Activities During the Holidays to Leverage Your Time”

@erinkennedycprw, Professional Resume Services, “How to keep up the Job Hunt during the Holidays”

@keppie_careers, Keppie Careers, “Four tips for effective networking follow-up for the holidays and the rest of the year”

@ValueIntoWords, Career Trend, “Navigating the Mistle Toe of Job Search”

@GLHoffman, What Would Dad Say, “Merry Christmas! Can I Buy You Coffee to Talk About Me?”

@BarbaraSafani, Career Solvers, “Holiday Networking Can Facilitate New Year Opportunities”

@expatcoachmegan, Career By Choice Blog, “Expat Networking: Holidays Are a Great Time to Nurture and Grow Your Network”

@chandlee, The Emerging Professional Blog, “Footprints & Associations: Job Search Tips for the Holidays”

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When I was young and the only one I knew with bad health, I felt like the rotten apple in a bowl of healthy fruit.  It didn’t matter where I was –  at work, with family or with friends.  No one could relate.  I worried that my “bruises”  made me stand out and  unappealing.

But now that I’m older and often in a crowd of 55+ folks,  everyone has a tale of bad health.   I’m no longer alone.  Does it feel easier?  Yes.

The same thing happens to those who are currently unemployed, another “socially difficult” state of being.  One client said that it’s easier for her to go to be with other people now that everyone knows someone out of a job.  But being under 40,  she still can’t talk easily about her illness.

There’s something wrong with this picture.  Are people so unable to empathize with an event outside of their experience?  Do we have to be among others who share our sufferings to feel comfortable?  Or are we unnecessarily paranoid and uselessly isolating ourselves?

I’m going to find a sandbox to play in – - maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find someone else in my state of health and employment to play with!

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